Instead Of Yelling

Instead of yelling

 

·      “Stop touching that!” put item of interest away or if it’s something like an electrical socket redirect their attention. Saying “stop that’s not something we should play with its fragile/dangerous” quietly is ok but be realistic about how much cooperation you will get. Better yet have things the kids shouldn’t touch right out of sight in the first place. Also important- if you’re exhausted, the house is a mess and your “couch parenting” by way of sitting down and barking orders rather than properly interacting.. this is a sign of poor self care, take a break from the hectic pace of ordinary life and slow down- take the phone off the hook, clear your schedule; recoup and feed, wash and dress yourself, pull out a homemade meal you froze and leave it to defrost so that you don’t have to cook the evening meal and then if possible take a nap all together. The hope is you wake refreshed and better able to cope.

·      “Hey! I saw that! Don’t hit/bite!” remove children from each other and quietly say “Gentle” or “hitting/biting hurts, when we feel like doing that we have to go away and calm down. You can play by yourself until you feel better” keep them apart until they can play nicely together.

·      “HURRY UP! WE’RE going to be late!” get better organized. Record how long it takes on average to get each individual child dressed and ready to go and make sure you provide extra time for the slower movers and keep things going by turning off distractions so they get ready in time for your schedule. If you find yourself late anyway.. remind yourself they are only little once and it’s more important to enjoy your time with them than being on time and clenching your teeth because you’re fuming and want to curse. They will get better at readying themselves as they get older.

·      “GO TO BED!” if they’re awake in their room is it really going to matter? Can’t force a person to sleep.. As long as they’re in their room and not disturbing others let it slide. If they are coming out of their room- put them back saying “it’s bedtime so you have to be in your room” and if they keep coming out after this first time then return them without conversation or eye contact until the message sinks in. Alternatively if the getting up is constant or the child is lonely, afraid or crying consider having a family bed and letting them sleep with a parent until they feel ready to move into their own bed. sort of depends on their age and the reason behind their constant waking. Sometimes a child is needing their own space if they are constantly getting everyone up in the family bed. Do what you feel is best with your child but do it gently and lovingly. Night time is a scary place for many children.

·      OTHER RANDOM SITUATIONS YOU FIND YOURSELF YELLING ABOUT: STOP yourself before you say anything if possible. Do not move towards your children, resist the adrenaline rush to move like lightening and strike or scream at children unless they’re actually in danger in which case remove the danger and then leave until you are calm. Take deep breaths and wait until the rage has passed. Then and ONLY then go to your children to talk about it. Tell them how it made you feel and why, LISTEN to their side of the story without interruption and then hand down their “sentence” be it the natural consequences of their actions or giving them the job of correcting the situation or otherwise “making it right”(apologizing, giving the other child their own item if they willfully were destructive, washing the walls if they drew on them). 

These of course are just a few ideas, you can come up with more I'm sure.

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