Slowing down for the sake of progress.

Sometimes I am in a big rush. My day is very full and I feel the need to just "get it done" and "quickly now" But some things have come up recently that have highlighted the need for me to slow down- for the sake of real progress and development.

Sometimes when we are raising a family we forget to let children participate fully. We let them "have a go" but are so wrapped up in the schedule that we end up "doing it for them" For me this has meant a lack has developed in a single area of Edisons learning. A very simple lack. Communication.

What in the world has happened to me that I haven't had time for his words. He is very intelligent and catches onto ideas and practices very quickly. But because I have been too busy to talk about it much, I have made it hard for him.

When he was a baby we were constantly communicating because I practiced EC and was always on the look out for his communications. But I wasn't trying to juggle as many things and I was able to keep my eyes on the prize- his ultimate well being and as a result we had a very successful EC relationship. But something happened along the way.

I won't be going into too much detail about all that I've discussed with those close to me. But my Focus lecturer had the most basic and beautiful advice I have ever heard.

What I really needed to hear right at the moment her email arrived

"Be pleased with the progress. Stories, language games, talking, useful conversations he needs to have the opportunity to hear and participate in ongoing communication. Use his imagination, when outside, ask him what next, tell me what you think will happen etc. Give him time to respond. I know I have been at fault in the past in answering students/children's questions. Ask, wait then give them another 7 seconds. Also ask him to tell you about his drawings etc."

Wait another 7 seconds. Surely we all have another 7 seconds to spare. This simple advice affected me most profoundly. I will be forever grateful for it. Edison doesn't have time for me not to wait and engage him.

And I am so proud of him and his efforts. I love to show off his work and the fact that he is so naturally able to self teach. It's up to me to help by communicating more about it. To slow down, take a breath and listen and wait and ask the questions that will lead to the most discussion. Because it is these conversations that will lead to the grasping of new concepts, ideas and solutions.

I could ramble on forever about my own real and perceived inadequacies but that wouldn't help the situation. So this is me. Making the conscious decision to ensure I connect with and wait for BOTH of my children to hear and participate in meaningful dialogue with positive outcomes. Conversations where they don't feel like their mother is a pressure cooker just wanting to keep on working and have respectful and reciprocal relationships where they feel truly listened to.

I hope I am up for the challenge. There is no room for failure here. I owe my children that.

Product review- the Leap pad by Leap frog.

My MIL got a pair of Leap Pads for the boys because they were going cheap and she thought it might be a nice resource to have on hand.

For those who have not used a Leap Pad it's electronic device that pretty much reads to your kids so you don't have to and even has literacy games and options like sounding out the words, letter recognition and letter pairings so children can hear what they sound like and all the while the parents feel more at ease because the machine is teaching the child to read.

But does it work? Well I can't tell you how well the program works so far since we have only had the things little over 4 days. What I CAN tell you is that the product itself is extremely temperamental. In order to read the books, play the games and sound out the letters one must put a Leap Pad learning cartridge into the console.

Unfortunately the console is very finicky and often won't recognize that there is a cartridge in it. We have two of the consoles and many books and cartridges so I know it isn't a damaged product- they both do it all the time. Telling me that the cartridge inserted isn't a Leap Pad cartridge or that it isn't in there at all when I know for damn certain it is.

In fact they are so touchy my children cannot use them alone.

In the time I get the machine temporarily working for them (because it only takes the pen being knocked accidentally or brushing their finger over the tip to have the console malfunction) I could have read them maybe 4-5 books? Complete with playing a game with the pictures and sounding out letters. I wish I was joking and the only consolation I have is that it wasn't me who purchased them.

So what would I suggest to anyone looking to buy this product? Keep the receipt in case it doesn't work too well.. or better yet spend the money that would have been used to buy the Leap Pad to buy your children books and read to them. You'll have more variety and be certain that those books will work.

How to teach a child to tell time

Telling the time is a vital life skill in adulthood. But teaching a child how to tell time is tricky because in order to be able  to tell time a child has to be able to use two numerical systems at once- 1-12 and also 1-60.

This can be VERY difficult for children to conceptualize. So as the teacher of time telling you will have to be very patient with the child learning it. particularly those who are still in the Pre-operational stage –  
"Two to seven years. In this stage children are less reliant upon senses and physical exploration and are ‘illogical’ thinkers. During this stage even though someone has shown them that two balls of dough exactly the same size and got them to agree that the balls are the same size, when one is flattened, children will usually tell you that one of them is now bigger. This inability to conserve is a feature of the preoperational stage." ~ Jean Piaget

Knowing this if a child is under 7 years it may be best to simply be exposing them to these methods and teaching them the precursors to time telling.

So without further ado, here are the steps. both precursors and the actual beginning of time telling.

Step one: Teach the child how to count to sixty. (precursor step)
The reason this is so important is because there are sixty minutes in an hour. Without knowing how to count to sixty this venture will be very frustrating, discouraging and unfruitful for both parties. No matter your childs age teaching them to count to at least sixty is vital for this learning.


Step two: Teach the five times tables. (precursor step)
Being able to count 5...10...15...20...etc. will make it much easier to understand the minute hand on a clock. So it is imperative to teach this first too.


ONCE YOU HAVE THE PRECURSORS DOWN.

Step three: Get a clock, preferably a large one with big hands.
A toy clock, or an old clock with the glass removed so the child can easily maneuver the hands will be the most appropriate to work with so your child can play with the clock. Play is important. You want them to enjoy their time with the clock.

Explain that the shorthand is the hour hand. Keep the minute hand at 12, and move the hour hand to various positions on the clock. Explain that any time the minute hand is exactly over the 12, it is an "o'clock." and the number that the hour hand is pointing to which o'clock it is. Allow the child to move the hour hand around until they are confidently reading each o'clock. Play, play play.


Step four: Explain that the long hand is the minute hand.
 Keep the hour hand still and move the minute hand around explaining what each position means to your child. Start by covering the 5-minute marks; once they understand those they will naturally progress to the “off mark” numbers like 17 and 32. Allow the child to move the minute hand around and practice reading it until they are confident. Don’t worry about hours for the time being just work each numerical system separately. It is a lot to take in.


Step five: Explain and demonstrate how to read the hour and minute hand together.
Start with simple times like 1:30, 1:45, 8:15 etc before moving on to more complicated questions especially times with overlapping hands for example 3:15 is a very confusing one in the beginning. Allow your child to "test" you on your time telling abilities. In this way they maintain control of their learning, are thinking hard on whether or not you "got it right" and so are engaged and practicing without feeling like they are under pressure to perform since they are asking the questions. Take this step slowly. If your child balks or becomes in any way distressed back off a little and go back to the previous steps.

In addition:
incorporate clocks into other areas of learning for example:

• making their own clock will help with familiarizing a young child with what a clock looks like and how the numbers are spaced and what they represent. 
• having a daily schedule with the times written down for your child to take notice of through out the day allows them to practice without too much thinking.
• a DIGITAL clock can help while the child is still learning about the minutes as it displays the exact time in an easy to read format.
• coloring in the "quarters" of a clock can help children know where each 12th ends and the new fraction of the clock begins.

 Please remember not to rush. The ability to tell the time involves multiple skills being mastered and while YES you can teach very young children to tell the time- there are steps that just cannot be missed and so no matter if you start when the child is under a year old.. or when they are eight, nine, ten years old.. everyone starts at the same place and must master the same skills and will master them at differing rates.

Decades of research has concluded that children who learn to read and count and tell time during their first years are at NO ADVANTAGE to their peers by six to seven years of age. NONE.


So "your baby can read" and "baby Einstein" programs are more than likely actually a physical hindrance as they take a baby away from learning how to interact socially, gaining muscle control and meet other important milestones.

Babies are best off being read to (some will pick up words just like this and that is awesome but don't be worried if they don't) and being shown numbers, clocks, playing this little piggy with their toes, climbing trees and making mud pies. Just expose them to the toy clock and slowly to the precursors. Don't have any real expectations for it. Every exposure will teach them but it isn't the be all and end all.

For older children it's imperative that they learn in an environment that is supportive. Telling the time is like mental juggling and it will take them a while to feel confident about it all. So make sure there is no criticism on your part. Ask them "do you know the answer?" and if they shake their head and say no just tell them. very, very kindly. And "all in good time" your child will be telling time!

DISCLAIMER: Before you teach your child to tell the time it is important to weigh up how much you like being able to put them to bed earlier some nights when you've all had a rough day. Once a child knows how to tell the time you will not be able to get away with it.

A "DUH" moment

Eddie aged around 20 months with our pony Gwennie

As we grow up, I am sure that everyone has heard at least one person say something along the lines of "never do X, it's dangerous" I used to get a little annoyed with this as a kid and especially as a teen. Particularly with activities that interested me but I was benignly steered away from them by others because they didn't think it was a good idea or had no interest in it themselves.

I was at placement last week and I had a bit of a "no duh" moment. The conversation I was not part of. I was simply in the same room and so listening. The subject was horses. Actually the subject was along the lines of "hate horses, they're dangerous" I did not say anything. I just reflected on what the other ladies were saying.

I am a passionate horse rider. My parents took care of my interest in horse riding by securing me an education about them. They connected me with the right people so that I could SAFELY learn to ride. This had not happened for theses other ladies. Their hatred of horses stemmed from very similar experiences- getting on a friends horse as a teenager and having fallen off, gotten kicked or worse.

I was reflecting on this because a lot of them have a passion for motorbikes. Now I have had few interactions with motorbikes. All ending with my crashing and breaking a bone as a teenager. I have a firm hatred of them. But this was my "duh moment". Had I been connected with a knowledgeable person and taught slowly and properly how to ride the motorbike- I'd probably love it.

In the same vein had these people been connected to a riding school or even a patient and very experienced rider- they would likely have loved it too or at the very least not be terrified to let their own children have a go.

I digested these thoughts quietly. But I didn't log it away and forget about it. I wanted to some how go back and help them. Not possible I know and while I could offer to teach them to ride on my very safe riding horse- they may not want to and that is fine. Who knows I still may offer.

But more than that I started thinking about how I could start a dialogue among parents about how and when to start lessons in "extreme sports" with children. Having spent a few days thinking on this I have to say- the optimum time to enroll would be as soon as they develop a passion with talking about it. The younger the child the happier they are to take it slow and the more likely they are to listen and keep risk taking at acceptable levels. But that would also depend on the child. Parents can gauge readiness better than any arbitrary time line.

Starting them on a hobby might seem expensive but it could prove to be less expensive to enroll in riding lessons and give them a "hit" with a competent educator at the helm than to have them beg and beg (completely lacking any actual experience whatsoever with the subject being begged for) and then buy them a pony (high possibility of buying an inappropriate animal by the way) only to have you both completely inexperienced and getting them hurt. Or even just losing interest.

When should a parent get them their own? I'm not going to tell anyone what to do with their own kid but I would personally refrain from getting them "one of their own" particularly in the case of an animal until:

• they are competent enough to not require arms reach supervision.
• they have sustained an interest in the activity suitable to owning their own (desire to ride once a week isn't enough if it's horse riding as horses need care everyday)
• they have shown themselves to be confident under pressure and make good judgements
• they live, breathe and talk that activity all day everyday and it's all they can think about

Other than the above I'd personally stick to lessons. A passing phase may turn to passion later but til it does- the lessons are cheaper, less work and more convenient.

So what is the take away from all this for me- motorbikes aren't evil. Horses aren't evil. Go-Karts or fencing isn't evil.. they just REQUIRE appropriate instruction to avoid injury. So what will I be doing should my children develop an interest in something that I myself have no experience in (or no know how) I'll find someone who knows what is what about it and enroll them in lessons! Duh!

Night time toilet learning

Pretty well everyone knows that this parent uses Elimination Communication as the preferred way to keep their babies clean.

This has led to a few really good questions. The main one after "How do you know when they need to go?" being "What about Night Time?"

I have two experiences with this as I covered night time a bit differently with both children. My first son I didn't do night time EC. At all. This is a valid choice. I tried to wake him up for pottying but he slept in a separate space to me and so this was very very difficult and after countless wet beds each night for about a week I stopped and put the nappies back on and just offered the potty immediately if he woke- only to find that in the time it had taken me to get up, walk to his room and pick him up and take his nappy off he had already finished. So Edison was a night time nappy case.

When Kicky was born I had wanted to do things differently. Edison was 21 months old at the time of Kicky's birth and was still wetting his nappies overnight. And I changed them as soon as he woke up to tell me, which was immediately. Neither of my children were happy to sleep wet. But when Kicky was an infant he slept with me. And because he slept with me I could feel every wriggle and movement and I would sit up and potty him over a wide basin with a terry flat in it to absorb the wee, and from around 3 weeks old he slept naked against me on a waterproof mat and absorbent blanket. I kept more beside the bed in case we had a miss but this rarely happened. BUT when we moved Kicky to share a room with Edison as a toddler he went straight to wetting the bed almost every time. And I started to put night time nappies on for back up. He wet at least three times a week until I night trained him on purpose.

So I can safely say that night time EC is a bit reliant on co-sleeping for optimal success. But this post isn't about night time EC. This post is about what I did when Edison was still regularly wetting his night time back up. I've been reluctant to write about this for the sake of privacy but really, he's a little boy and bed wetting is common so I don't mind sharing how I stopped it. (I used this method to night train both my sons  but Eddie took much longer and was a much harder case than Kicky)

First of all I got prepared. I thought about how Edison slept and where and how I could make the dreaded stripping of the bed easier on everyone. I decided to move him to a cot mattress for the time being so that I could disrupt him as little as possible as he learned to wake up fully (hormones are released during deep sleep so it's when they are partially awake that they wet) before rather than after or during.

MATERIALS:

• Cot mattress
• X6 absorbent cotton receiving blankets/puddle pads
• X6 fitted sheets
• X6 top sheets
• Fleece blanket
• regular covers
• washing basket
• alarm clock (for the parent)
• paper and pen to record times

METHOD:

how the bed was put together is how this season in our lives was made bearable. the cot mattress we used has a waterproof PVC side so that's the side we used. I placed the receiving blanket or puddle pad (I had a mixture of both) on top of the mattress and then put the fitted sheet on top and the top sheet, the fleece blanket next acted as a water resistant barrier and kept the rest of the covers dry. one puddle pad was sufficient but If receiving blankets are being used two was better.

WEEK ONE:

I left the rest of the supplies in easy reach so that when we had a toilet accident we could quickly strip the bed, dump the soiled bed clothes into the washing basket and remake the bed without too much fuss. The time of the accident was recorded on paper and we went back to sleep until the next accident or morning came. In that first week Edison had on average three accidents. There was a lot of washing every single morning.

WEEK TWO:

At the beginning of week two I began setting alarms for myself when the most common accidents took place, 10:00PM, 2:00AM, 4:00AM and I noticed that the pattern was around the 4 hour mark. So it made it easy I just set my alarms for 10 minutes before and made myself get up. Half the time I beat him and I would take him to the toilet, Edison was less than happy about this. But he did resettle quickly and did feel a sense of achievement that he hadn't wet his bed. When I came in and he was already wet or wetting it was the same deal, I would strip the bed and he would go off to the toilet to do the last of his wee. I found this greatly improved our chances of a catch at the next alarm.

WEEK THREE ONWARDS:

this was simple repetition and self discipline to stay up until 10PM to take him to the toilet before I went to bed and to get up every night multiple times to help him rouse. I disciplined MYSELF to get up and take Edison to the toilet. I kept with it no matter what. And after about 4-6 weeks we were accident free and I was sleeping much better. But I wasn't willing to put Edison back in his big boy bed without a net so I started by putting the mattress on the bed, So strip off was still easy. This was a good move because it took the pressure off of Edison and myself and he DID have a couple accidents first off but then he relaxed when he realized they were still easily fixed and hasn't looked back.

IMPORTANT NOTES:

I have to say that one of the reasons this worked is I gave myself and my son a wide time frame. ALL SUMMER was the length of time that I was willing to try to teach him nocturnal dryness. Had three months come and gone without success I would have continued to wake him up but I would have put nappy back up on again so that I had less laundry going into the dryer. As it turned out I didn't need nearly that long and while there was whining from the boy- it was done respectfully and for his personal dignity as he was truly getting old enough that he was embarrassed about wearing a nappy at night.

Hopefully this helps someone else.