You may remember my post labelled "8 days and counting.. with almost no sleep" if you don't it's the post right before this one. And this post is an update on how things are going now.
At this point I am basically reteaching my toddler how to go to sleep and stay asleep. We are not rushing things as if I push him even slightly too hard he becomes inconsolable which results in him going backwards and to top it off wakes the rest of the house.
SO I've done a couple things to make this easier on myself and MC. The first was that the kids bedroom door stays open and we are just quieter. A pain but captions on a movie work just fine. The second thing I did was I placed our spare double mattress back in their room and stayed in the bed long enough to put my scent in the sheets. This was for two reasons the first so that our little people had somewhere to go to sleep that they felt connected but we had space in our main bed so MC could get a decent sleep. And secondly so I could join them later if one or both woke up (I am also gently holding them down until they fall back to sleep otherwise Kicky will get back up and want to play).
Because my main concern is not even my own sleep but that of my husbands and he should not have to leave his bed because it's so cramped he can't sleep. The mattress set up in the boys room works better. I put the mattress right between their beds so we have all the space we could possibly need and if by chance MC misses us he can come join us too. After three nights of sleeping either together or with me the boys were happy to get in their own beds- this was their choice now that they knew I was close by and would remain so as long as they needed- they then wanted their own space.
And then last night I put them to bed in their beds, mattress between as before but they didn't wake and I went to bed with MC and woke up around 5AM as my body clock is now rewired to do so thanks to the constant waking for over two weeks. And I did move myself into the floor bed. Because I missed the boys.
I will be leaving the double mattress set up for a couple more weeks but only so that the kids don't think I'm planning to abandon them. That would make them revolt. instead I'll wait until no one has slept there for a few nights and explain that we don't need to keep it out anymore.
So there you have it. what we did to get them back into their sleep routine. The where is not as important as the sleep to us so we're very happy.
Monday 28 April 2014
Tuesday 22 April 2014
8 days and counting.. with (almost) no sleep
Every parent knows the torture of a sleepless night with a new born, where rocking the baby and trying to soothe them looks less like a baby product commercial and more like a spectacle such as wrestling a bag of snakes. I am pretty sure every parent can relate to that.
But what about when it's not an 3-4.5 kg (7-10 pounds) bundle? what if it's a 15 kg toddler? what happens if the screaming just won't stop no matter what you do? when you've nursed, patted, cuddled, read stories, played outside all day and offered nutritious snacks and kept a routine and made sure that sugar isn't part of their normal diet and it just never ends? what if telling them calmly "it's time to sleep, good night honey" is to them code for "show me how loud you can yell and how hard you can kick the door in!" what happens when even the old "sleep with Mama and Papa" trick just leads to no one sleeping as the tot just slaps you in the face repeatedly and kicks you and gets up and wants to play and it's not even 2AM yet? How many parents have faced that?
I have recently with Kicky. He's a two year old on a mission to deprive me of sleep until I completely surrender to his plans. When Edison was the same age he only ever woke for a reason. In fact he was SO good at bedtime that I'd just put him in bed give him a kiss and leave. And that is how he likes it still. We momentarily had issues when we were given a big kid bed for him by my MIL. He didn't feel secure for the first week and so he was restless but we've always given the children the option of sleeping in their own space or sleeping with us. It's totally up to them. Edison has always preferred his own space. Even as a new born. Kicky is completely the opposite and while as an infact he had the same excellent routine that saw him grow enormous and sleeping quite well that Edison had *he has always been an early riser but was easily put down and resettled* he's very sensitive and the slightest change brings about catastrophe. So when we went away for a week and not a single problem arose after the first night concerning his sleep I thought maybe we were making some progress! Progress after a tricky two years!!
Oh how wrong I was.
When we got back home he was exhausted from the trip and so he slept it off for a couple days and I like a fool made no attempt to prevent this. I felt it would be cruel to make him keep his usual times after such a long journey. But after two days he'd started a new sleep pattern and he was no longer tired.
He started waking up through the night, and refusing all attempts to resettle him and sleep. He wanted up. He wanted to play and he thought everyone else should be up too. So he screamed at me for not turning the lights on. He tried to kick in the bedroom door to get to me when I tried to go back to bed and leave him playing in the family room, he got into the pantry and made a mess with the cocoa powder and rice flour and eggs, he woke Edison who then joined in. and poor MC didn't get a very restful night either. I was always able to resettle Edison and he went back to bed without argument. But this was just the beginning of Kicky's reign of terror. He literally wanted me to sit up and watch him sleep. I couldn't even roll over and sleep with him I had to watch him and if I tried to move his eyes would snap open and he'd scream again.
night after night I put myself to bed right after he was deeply asleep to make sure I got a few hours. but between 11:30PM and 2AM he would be up again. The sleep was but a nap time to him. and then around noon he'd crash and nothing I did would keep him awake. This kid could sleep on his feet when it suited him.
Stories were read in an attempt to make him sleepy and relaxed. it made it worse as he was being rewarded for getting up. I desperately even turned on the TV in the end. Just to a radio channel with sleepy sounding classical music. It didn't work. More days passed and I was lost in a haze of sleep deprivation and desperation. I couldn't nap when he did during the day as I had to care for Edison who was awake and needed and deserved attention and I was by myself. More coffee and less sleep were almost a foregone conclusion about my future. It was horrible.
Eventually I asked others for ideas. most had the same ones such as "leaving him to scream", another was "sleep with him" And a fellow Blogger suggested I tell him something along the lines of "the doctor says I have to go to bed, I have neck problems so I can only stay with you X number of minutes and then I have to go to sleep and so do you" and slowly wean him from the attention I think this is probably the gentlest and most sensible idea so far. All likely have their merits. But do all of these ideas lead to sleep for me? Are there other ideas out there? I tend to use the Super Nanny's "dinner, bath, bed" routine as it slowly winds them down and then you just leave. This worked before we left and will likely with time work again but breaking the habit is imperative. Does anyone have any ideas? I will post an update when things work themselves out because of course they will. And until then I take comfort that surely I am not the only parent to ever have a wakeful child.
But what about when it's not an 3-4.5 kg (7-10 pounds) bundle? what if it's a 15 kg toddler? what happens if the screaming just won't stop no matter what you do? when you've nursed, patted, cuddled, read stories, played outside all day and offered nutritious snacks and kept a routine and made sure that sugar isn't part of their normal diet and it just never ends? what if telling them calmly "it's time to sleep, good night honey" is to them code for "show me how loud you can yell and how hard you can kick the door in!" what happens when even the old "sleep with Mama and Papa" trick just leads to no one sleeping as the tot just slaps you in the face repeatedly and kicks you and gets up and wants to play and it's not even 2AM yet? How many parents have faced that?
I have recently with Kicky. He's a two year old on a mission to deprive me of sleep until I completely surrender to his plans. When Edison was the same age he only ever woke for a reason. In fact he was SO good at bedtime that I'd just put him in bed give him a kiss and leave. And that is how he likes it still. We momentarily had issues when we were given a big kid bed for him by my MIL. He didn't feel secure for the first week and so he was restless but we've always given the children the option of sleeping in their own space or sleeping with us. It's totally up to them. Edison has always preferred his own space. Even as a new born. Kicky is completely the opposite and while as an infact he had the same excellent routine that saw him grow enormous and sleeping quite well that Edison had *he has always been an early riser but was easily put down and resettled* he's very sensitive and the slightest change brings about catastrophe. So when we went away for a week and not a single problem arose after the first night concerning his sleep I thought maybe we were making some progress! Progress after a tricky two years!!
Oh how wrong I was.
When we got back home he was exhausted from the trip and so he slept it off for a couple days and I like a fool made no attempt to prevent this. I felt it would be cruel to make him keep his usual times after such a long journey. But after two days he'd started a new sleep pattern and he was no longer tired.
He started waking up through the night, and refusing all attempts to resettle him and sleep. He wanted up. He wanted to play and he thought everyone else should be up too. So he screamed at me for not turning the lights on. He tried to kick in the bedroom door to get to me when I tried to go back to bed and leave him playing in the family room, he got into the pantry and made a mess with the cocoa powder and rice flour and eggs, he woke Edison who then joined in. and poor MC didn't get a very restful night either. I was always able to resettle Edison and he went back to bed without argument. But this was just the beginning of Kicky's reign of terror. He literally wanted me to sit up and watch him sleep. I couldn't even roll over and sleep with him I had to watch him and if I tried to move his eyes would snap open and he'd scream again.
night after night I put myself to bed right after he was deeply asleep to make sure I got a few hours. but between 11:30PM and 2AM he would be up again. The sleep was but a nap time to him. and then around noon he'd crash and nothing I did would keep him awake. This kid could sleep on his feet when it suited him.
Stories were read in an attempt to make him sleepy and relaxed. it made it worse as he was being rewarded for getting up. I desperately even turned on the TV in the end. Just to a radio channel with sleepy sounding classical music. It didn't work. More days passed and I was lost in a haze of sleep deprivation and desperation. I couldn't nap when he did during the day as I had to care for Edison who was awake and needed and deserved attention and I was by myself. More coffee and less sleep were almost a foregone conclusion about my future. It was horrible.
Eventually I asked others for ideas. most had the same ones such as "leaving him to scream", another was "sleep with him" And a fellow Blogger suggested I tell him something along the lines of "the doctor says I have to go to bed, I have neck problems so I can only stay with you X number of minutes and then I have to go to sleep and so do you" and slowly wean him from the attention I think this is probably the gentlest and most sensible idea so far. All likely have their merits. But do all of these ideas lead to sleep for me? Are there other ideas out there? I tend to use the Super Nanny's "dinner, bath, bed" routine as it slowly winds them down and then you just leave. This worked before we left and will likely with time work again but breaking the habit is imperative. Does anyone have any ideas? I will post an update when things work themselves out because of course they will. And until then I take comfort that surely I am not the only parent to ever have a wakeful child.
Friday 18 April 2014
A story about free range kids and community.
This is a story that happened not terribly long ago but that I've been lax in putting up here, Sorry about that. Here it is:
Edison is almost 4 and enjoys walking our aging dog Odie I let him go as far as the end of our block and Odie being a well trained dog won't let him cross the road. well he was doing just that, walking our dog and I was watching from a few letterboxes down so I knew he was truly safe but not smothering him.
A rough looking boy(about 6 years old) known for causing trouble came to him, I couldn't hear the conversation and slowly started walking towards them. Suddenly he grabbed Odie's leash and started off with the dog at first I though Ed had let him have a turn but then he started crying, loudly. I was about to call Odie back this kid wouldn't have known what hit him when this Bull dog X (pit-mix for the Americans) started pulling him back when I saw the group of neighbor hood children that had attended Kickys' party.
Five of the usual group of seven are staring this guy down. two of them are much older than Edison and the little dog thief; they're 11.
They command respect amongst their younger peers and the oldest boy says "that dog doesn't belong to you. Give it back" The boy stood there a moment trying to work out if he could ignore this guy or if he'd be sorry he didn't listen. He didn't have to wait long.
The girl went over and hugged Edison and whispered something that made him laugh. The boy took the dog leash from the bully's hand and handed it back to Edison and the bully took off running back to what I assume is his house.
Free range kids have COMMUNITY! these older kids have enjoyed playing on our property since the party that almost wasn't. And come over a lot, entering from the back fence and interacting with our boys and pets regularly, (our pony needs a diet as a result of the treats they feed her). So there we have it. my little guys have bigger kids as friends and they look out for each other! They also learn better social and negotiation skills when parents "stay out of it" unless absolutely necessary.
While I will readily admit it's sometimes daunting because we may be afraid bigger kids will be rough with our small children or even try to hurt them, it's more destructive than constructive to rush to their aid every time someone doesn't want to wait their turn or snatches. It can even backfire as the kids feel our discomfort at the close proximity feeding off the negative vibe for lack of a better word.
If we do it for them yes they feel momentarily secure but they never truly learn what it is to manage their own conflicts and eventually this eats away at their confidence think: "Mum has to help me with this without her I am helpless". By hanging back and watching we give them the opportunity to try in a controlled environment. Which then makes them feel empowered to try on their own first and then if they can't work it out they'll ask you. There is no need to fight every battle your child has. Give the kids some credit and they'll make friends and be watched out for by their peers and in turn when they're bigger they too will watch out for the little ones.
Edison is almost 4 and enjoys walking our aging dog Odie I let him go as far as the end of our block and Odie being a well trained dog won't let him cross the road. well he was doing just that, walking our dog and I was watching from a few letterboxes down so I knew he was truly safe but not smothering him.
A rough looking boy(about 6 years old) known for causing trouble came to him, I couldn't hear the conversation and slowly started walking towards them. Suddenly he grabbed Odie's leash and started off with the dog at first I though Ed had let him have a turn but then he started crying, loudly. I was about to call Odie back this kid wouldn't have known what hit him when this Bull dog X (pit-mix for the Americans) started pulling him back when I saw the group of neighbor hood children that had attended Kickys' party.
Five of the usual group of seven are staring this guy down. two of them are much older than Edison and the little dog thief; they're 11.
They command respect amongst their younger peers and the oldest boy says "that dog doesn't belong to you. Give it back" The boy stood there a moment trying to work out if he could ignore this guy or if he'd be sorry he didn't listen. He didn't have to wait long.
The girl went over and hugged Edison and whispered something that made him laugh. The boy took the dog leash from the bully's hand and handed it back to Edison and the bully took off running back to what I assume is his house.
Free range kids have COMMUNITY! these older kids have enjoyed playing on our property since the party that almost wasn't. And come over a lot, entering from the back fence and interacting with our boys and pets regularly, (our pony needs a diet as a result of the treats they feed her). So there we have it. my little guys have bigger kids as friends and they look out for each other! They also learn better social and negotiation skills when parents "stay out of it" unless absolutely necessary.
While I will readily admit it's sometimes daunting because we may be afraid bigger kids will be rough with our small children or even try to hurt them, it's more destructive than constructive to rush to their aid every time someone doesn't want to wait their turn or snatches. It can even backfire as the kids feel our discomfort at the close proximity feeding off the negative vibe for lack of a better word.
If we do it for them yes they feel momentarily secure but they never truly learn what it is to manage their own conflicts and eventually this eats away at their confidence think: "Mum has to help me with this without her I am helpless". By hanging back and watching we give them the opportunity to try in a controlled environment. Which then makes them feel empowered to try on their own first and then if they can't work it out they'll ask you. There is no need to fight every battle your child has. Give the kids some credit and they'll make friends and be watched out for by their peers and in turn when they're bigger they too will watch out for the little ones.
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