Is ChildCare beneficial?

This is a very loaded topic, but one that's been asked about enough for me to brave the minefield of opinions and try to answer as diplomatically as possible.

Because this is actually a very ambiguous question. It depends on the family, the parent, the child and the center providing the care!

Now before anyone jumps up and down about socialization of children I will state this: Not attending child care does NOT equal an unsocialized child. Unless the parents are hermits the child will be interacting with other people all the time and as for "interacting with other children" well.. other children are NOT who you want as a role model for your child. They will probably teach them naughty things and bad habits. No sir- socialization is a poor argument and shall be here on known as a "MYTH"

So some actual benefits of child care:

• children get the chance to try some new things
• are less likely to be developmentally delayed without it being noticed
• if children must be cared for by someone other than their parents they are safest in a center where everyone is qualified to care for children and have current police checks to minimize the chances of a child being abused.
• parents may be getting a much needed break
• child will learn some things that will give them a notable advantage when they reach Kindergarten and Primary School (not that their parents couldn't teach them)

Some actual cons of child care:

• for the first 6-12 months you child will be sick- a lot. (eventually they build up more immunities.)
• it is scientifically proven at a hormonal level that children in care produce a great deal more cortisol (stress hormone) than children who are left with their mothers. too much cortisol results in an inability to learn and can lead to depression and health problems.
• it is costly both in time and money
• often long day care is "too long" and children become unhappy because they will be at child care for many hours.
• cannot replace quality time with parents and special moments missed because they happened at child care.
• parents may feel guilty about sending them to child care or feel judged for doing/not doing so.

So what can you do if you do not wish to send your child to child care but are worried about their development and wondering how to nurture them so that they flourish rather than flounder when they get to school?

Well.. it requires truly being involved. Parenting is a hands on job.

• Take your child for developmental checks every six months or so.
• make sure you plan new experiences and activities for your children at least one per week
• be sure to have a craft station were children can get creative
• be selective about toys- make sure you have some learning toys, some nurturing toys and some toys that provoke imaginative play!
• TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN!!!! I cannot stress this one point enough. Aim for 5 turns without leading the conversation. ask open ended questions and show genuine interest in the child's point of view. Television does not teach your child to talk.
• set up a play space that encourages many different ways to play and that encourages movement.
• read at least four books per day.
• sing songs and be silly!
• limit screen time so that children are able to use their bodies and their imaginations.
• Attend a play group once in a while or have a play date. Kinder gym is also a great activity for under fives that is usually pretty cheap. But a trip to the park will do the same thing!

If you do not wish to "do all that" (and it isn't for everyone) Then child care once or twice a week could be a good option for helping your little one along developmentally. It is also a good option if things are unstable at home or a child is at risk. Or even if they simply have an inattentive parent who sits on the couch all day on social media instead of interacting with them. (the odd glance is okay but I personally know some parents who never get off and just stick a bottle or a snack in their child's mouth to quiet them)

The last thing I will say is this: it is NOT hard to educate your child in the early years but it does require the ability to be consistent in offering new experiences, spontaneous play and positive attitudes towards everything from eating and toileting to discipline.

Children are in general happiest with their parents. In a perfect world child care would not exist. However the world isn't a perfect place and some children are actually better off/safest in care. It isn't for anyone to judge. Everyone has to weigh the pros and cons for themselves. Child care is not necessary for your child to succeed but can be useful if extra help or a safe and stimulating environment is needed.

When your baby doesn't signal

In the EC communities there is a continuously, infinitely asked question "how do I know when my baby needs to go?"

And it's a very important question for certain and I am going to address it momentarily but first I'm going to tell you how NOT to address it:

PLEASE do not tell the asker of this question

"it's more about the communication than where the poop goes"

While this statement sounds comforting and makes everyone feel better it is 99.99% false. By this I mean don't fret or obsess if you have a miss every now and then or even every day.. but it absolutely does matter where the baby puts their poop/pee most of the time because otherwise by the logic of "it's about the communication not the pottying" One could theoretically NEVER offer the potty and could just cue along while the baby fills their pants every time! No, no, no, no.... it is baby's job to communicate ABOUT doing it- it is YOUR job to communicate about WHERE it should be put.

And anyone who's practiced EC knows that this is simply not the case and would teach them to go in their pants.

Please remember the word before Communication is ELIMINATION you can't make one word "more important" than the other. You're communicating with your baby about where their elimination goes.. not just that they're doing it.

As a EC mentor I am actually in favor of interrupting an eliminating baby if they're going in the incorrect place and putting them in the correct place and acknowledging gently and kindly that they did some on the potty and some in their pants. And interrupting them has shown me time and again that with CONSISTENCY they will learn to only do it on the potty. Where as if you just let them finish and change it then they learn nothing.(please note if you didn't see them doing it there's no point closing the gate after the horse has bolted just change it and tell them "oh you peed/pooped if you tell me next time I can help you potty" interrupting is for catching them in the act)

Basically don't fret but don't allow it to continue either!

Now back to the original FAQ..

the answer is kind of ambiguous because every baby is different. And more importantly is that SOME BABIES DO NOT SIGNAL.

For what ever reason I have found around one in three babes doesn't ever signal or learn to sign their needs. Does this mean we can't EC with them? absolutely no. Of course you can. The communication will however be a lot more one sided (from you only) and you rely instead on timing both generic and your baby's own natural rhythms.

The best way to work out the baby's natural rhythms is to have pen and paper and record the times they peed and pooped over a few days and then go back and look for patterns and periods of time between urinating. Then work off those times.

The EC then evolves as the parent and baby learn to potty, the parent may not be able to define the "signal" but they will eventually recognize when baby needs to go be it a slight facial recognition or a grunty signal.. while other parents will only use the timing until baby begins to talk and that is okay too.

Trying to "wait until you're asked" is not communicating with your baby. It will result in lots of misses. Because babies tend to not have much time between signals (IF they signal) and eliminating. Part of communication is asking them "do you need to go?" by offering the potty even if they seem to be doing nothing. Being proactive about potty opportunities will help re enforce where baby makes potty and also that you are waiting, listening and communicating about their needs. There's no need to always wait until you're asked. Though if baby asks to go you should be very happy about it and immediately offer the potty.

It should be noted that this offering should not be constant or it'll drive baby crazy. Use common sense if you offered the potty and baby peed then wait until it's been at least half an hour to offer again. You may have a miss or you may have dry pants but what you won't have is a baby driven nuts by making life "all potty" as with all aspects of parenting it's about a healthy balance.

So to dot point the question of "how do I know when baby is signalling?"

• no two babies signal exactly the same
• make a record over a few days so you have a base line
• signals take time to learn
• signals evolve as you go
• misses are a fact of EC but should not be encouraged just as much as they should not be punished
• learn from misses- had it been X amount of time between pees or did baby still have some and may require you to have more patience while holding them on the potty a bit longer
• some babies never signal so regularly make a new record to find your new base line to offer the potty at appropriate intervals
• ask your baby if they need to go by making the potty available even if they haven't signalled

Lastly have fun with it! Elimination Communication is about gently, non punitively, communicating with and teaching your child were it's appropriate to eliminate. It's not a competition, it's just a "fact of life" and you're helping your child learn about it just as you help them sleep and eat. If you're stressed and not having fun then something is wrong and you might need to take a break and just go back to the baseline and otherwise not think about it for a few hours. EC really isn't difficult but we can make it hard on ourselves by being too lax or too uptight. Go for balance. Relax.
 

"My Child Is Ready because..."

After being in childcare for a while I am hearing and seeing this a lot. What am I talking about?

Parents rushing their child into education. Let me say this first: Kindergartens and Primary Schools absolutely have "assumed knowledge" expectations just like every other learning institution.

Kindergarten and Primary school is not like childcare where the teachers meet the child where they're at. So If little Johnny hasn't learned these skills yet it doesn't matter that "he's 4 or 5 years old" he will flounder. 

Everyone seems to think their child is exceptional but what they think is exceptional may in fact (meaning more than likely) be average, or even below average. Because many parents don't give average kids enough credit.

I'm sorry if you think your toddler is totally gifted and ready for primary school RIGHT now (yes I have had a parent of a barely three year old tell me this recently) but...

If he's not competently using the toilet yet guess what- Kindy teachers (and 1 in 20 primary school teachers) are NOT paid to toilet learn them or change them and this means they are taken away from their class of say.. 20 children, leaving 19 children either unsupervised or "under" supervised depending on whether or not they have a teachers aid. To deal with an issue the child should be able to handle themselves. (And the child who is pulled out of class multiple times per day also gets behind rather quickly) 

If he can't count to at least 20 and use scissors he won't feel very confident about participating for fear of being wrong and or ridiculed and will have to learn such basic things before he can learn the actual lessons (thus pushing him/her further behind) 

This means that we as parents (and educators) need to know how to spot a child who is "ready" and know how to help them achieve this "readiness" BEFORE we transition them to the next step. Age is only a tiny factor and there are even studies supporting children beginning formal education later rather than earlier. The reality is that children don't suffer from being a bit older. Really and truly starting a child before they are able to communicate well and have the basic life skills down pat will only cause the child added stress and starting a new school is hard enough.

So as a Early Childhood Educator here's a few key things to look for before starting your child journey, I've listed them for Kindergarten and Primary School

Kindergarten:
  

• child is at the very least 3.5 years old
• is toilet trained for the most part
• can use scissors
• can count to ten
• can sing their ABC's (a little mix up is okay but mostly "there")
• knows their colors
• can recognize their name in print
• can hold a pencil
• doesn't become inconsolable when their parents are not present
• can listen to and follow basic instructions
• shows an interest in a structured learning environment (kindergarten is not mandatory)

Primary School:

• child is at the very least 5 years old (and 6 is better)
• is 100% toilet independent
• can count to 50 (100 is better)
• can write their name- even if it's mis-spelt or shortened
• can communicate well enough that their teachers understand them*
• child can get their own lunch and drinks out
• is confident when parents are not present
• is able to sit attentively for periods longer than half an hour
• is able to listen and follow more complicated instructions**

 So now we know some of what we need to look for what do we do as educators (and parents are the primary educators in their child's life) when we notice that a child isn't "ready" for the next step?

Well, we should encourage development of these skills by giving the child lots of opportunities to practice them, allow them to get it "wrong" and learn from it without belittling their efforts or making them feel foolish. And we keep an eye on it.

As a paid educator if I feel a child is just not up to going to the next class I will tell the parents. Gently, but in no uncertain terms that putting them up at this stage is not a good idea.

Sadly teachers are rarely listened to and so we are forced to watch again and again as the children who continue on "half done" come up against brick wall after brick wall in regards to their learning and we listen wearily, sadly and some what irritated to their parents when they see us in the supermarket and tell us their woes about how little Johnny has turned into a misbehaving bully or just simply isn't thriving in his new environment. We listen as they blame the teacher and the curriculum and in some ways it is the curriculum but not in the way they expect- it's that the child isn't ready to learn the curriculum because of assumed knowledge they just don't have.

Please parents, from a parent who purposefully waits for her own children to be education ready and who teaches young children. Make sure they can do at least the above before you enroll them. It could be the difference between school being a fond memory or a nightmare.

* not being able to communicate effectively is one of the leading causes of a child becoming a bully or misbehaving in class.

** It's perfectly okay if a child asks for help with a more complicated instruction. more that they need to be able to follow instructions that are more than one sentence long.