Is someone you know exhausting you?

We all know at least one person whom we avoid or sigh inwardly when they see us and come to speak with us. Because they never have anything good to say and when we leave the conversation we feel worse rather than better.

This person leaves you feeling exhausted and yet all you did was talk with them?!?- this is because the conversation causes the adrenals to fire and while the person appears relatively relaxed as they speak to the person who is hard work it's causing their body to have to deal with a bucket load of adrenaline and cortisol in a stationary position.

This is really unhealthy for the body because like playing a video game that releases adrenaline in a seated position this can actually cause restlessness, fidgeting behaviors and insomnia on top of a feeling of exhaustion as the adrenaline had no where to go because they weren't burning it and the cortisol building up with no outlet either and their brain feels fried at the end.

So what can we do to help ourselves when this person inevitably finds us? As I was asked how I deal with so many people and their issues on a day to day basis I thought I would do a quick write up of how I cope with it.

First of all is to step back from the situation and not accept their angst as your own. Easier said than done but you can do it silently as they approach "no matter what this person says to me I don't have to make it my issue"

Secondly ask them "do you want advice or just someone to listen and acknowledge" this puts you in a position to listen but not internalize and them a chance to expel their sadness or stress.

Thirdly as they come up you can redirect their conversation. "Hello! whats fantastic right now?" being the perpetual ray of sunshine will do one of two things- it will buck them up.. or move them on. Misery loves company but if you won't let it drag you down it will find someone else.

Fourthly if they haven't got anything good exclaim "I don't know how you manage!" this almost always results in them saying "well... it's not that bad I do X..." and they solve their own misery by reaffirming the good in their lives to you.

So that's how I do it.