Respectful boundaries, tact and emotional piggybacks

It has come to my attention that we need another post on giving parents permission and encouragement to be a parent and not worry that every little thing they do is going to traumatize their child.

In parents zeal to take care of their children as well and as gently as possible (and I absolutely applaud all efforts to be kind, loving and attentive parents) there seem to be three groups. But two main ones.

The first group are those who are raising children "This is how I was raised and I'm fine!" and then the pendulum swing of other parents who are too scared of screwing their kid up to actually give them boundaries or teach them any life skills for fear that the child will be irreparably damaged.

Lastly there is that rare group in the middle ground, calmly and gently guiding their child who aren't afraid of their past becoming their childs future and who resist the urge to spank or yell but still provide adequate consequence to actions good or bad for their children to learn or down right tell them what they are doing when that is needed because children don't know unless their parents tell them. There needs to be a lot more of the third group.

I'm writing this post to hopefully help parents to identify any pitfalls they may be accidentally walking into. I hope parents can read this with an open mind and will realize they can lie to me- that doesn't matter. But that they will know because deep down you can't really lie to yourself if something in this post resonates with them so they can make adjustments and help themselves.

Respectful VS Permissive parenting

It's fantastic that parents want to respect their child as a human being. However parents, as human beings also have the right to be respected. It needs to be reciprocal. And when you do have a reciprocal relationship based on respect while you do have problems from time to time because children and parents are people and people are fallible most days go by relatively incident free.

In general  I find that behaviors are not the problem but rather a symptom of a problem. If parents are having issues it's usually because the parents haven't been leading a child and that child, being directionless is pushing on until he finds the boundary. When will my parents put their foot down? And he/she will keep on going until you do. There is another option for behavioral issues and that is pathology in which case the parents need to see a specialist to rule out any disorders. But here I'm focusing on neuro-typical children.

There is an enormous difference between respectful parenting and just letting your kid do whatever they want.

An example of permissive parenting might go like this:

Little Johnny a neuro-typical toddler aged three years needs to get dressed to go out to the park and later an appointment. Mother and Johnny will be out all day with no opportunities to come back home until they are done. Mother tells Johnny "It is very cold outside, what are you going to wear?" but Johnny only wants to wear his yellow shorts and thongs. He bats away all his mothers attempts to put his coat on and shouts "no" at her. Mother allows Johnny to wear the clothes he has picked. She tries to pack the warm clothes into his backpack so that when he does get cold she can dress him in them. Johnny screams at her and she stops packing them.

They go into the garage and there is another problem. Johnny doesn't want to get into his car seat. He wants to sit on his mothers lap while she drives.

Mother tries to pick Johnny up and put him in the car seat but he turns into an ironing board. So trying a different tact mother makes a half hearted attempt to explain that little Johnny has to be in his car seat while the car is moving because it isn't safe to sit on her lap. And asks him to get into the car seat. Johnny screams with rage and mother gives up. She tells Johnny that they can't go until he is in his car seat. Johnny begins hitting her because he wants to go to the park.

Mother, worried that she may crush his tender little will, drives to the park with Johnny on her lap.

it might sound ridiculous to most and I have written the example that way on purpose to show the obvious signs of permissive parenting. And rather sadly there actually are parents who have let their child dictate to the point where they don't drive anywhere or they let them sit on their laps (I'm looking at you Britney Spears, Kelsey Grammer and Christina Auguilera).

That same scenario could go like this for the mother if she is in the middle of rebuilding boundaries: 

There are actually quite a few options for getting Johnny dressed:

 instead of picking from all the clothes available Mother could show Johnny three choices of outfits (one for each year of age) and redirect his attention from the faddy clothing items by telling him what they will be doing at the park- splashing in puddles. Empathize with Johnny if he tries to insist on the shorts and thongs "those clothes are for warmer weather. They look so nice when we go to the beach but right now your feet will get very wet and cold so we will leave them here today. We can take your gumboots instead so you can splash in the puddles" and then move things along swiftly with him distracted.

She could have allowed Johnny his autonomy by letting him choose to wear his shorts and thongs and brought the warmer clothes in the car whether Johnny likes her bringing them or not. Because she knows he will need them and when he screams at her to respond to his screaming with calm words "I'm just bringing them in case you change your mind, please stop screaming at me, I don't like it."

the best way to always get the clothing options you want picked though is: to put all the inappropriate clothes into STORAGE when the seasons change so there are only good choices to pick from- Crisis averted days before it could even happen.

Car seats can be hard if your child doesn't like being in them but you can still pick them up and strap them in regardless of their protest when very young (under 18 months) and tell them you will get them out again as soon as you can. Offer a toy or their comforter of choice.

For older toddlers it might go like this:

They go into the garage and there is another problem. Johnny doesn't want to get into his car seat. He wants to sit on his mothers lap while she drives.

Mother gives a five minute warning "Johnny, in five minutes you will need to get in your car seat" this way Johnny isn't taken by surprise. He may react to this news but the five minutes gives him time to think it through and allows for dialogue- Mother can explain that little Johnny has to be in his car seat while the car is moving because it isn't safe to sit on her lap and the police man will tell them off.

Issuing a challenge "It's time to go to the car- I bet I can beat you there!"

Offering an incentive to get into the car seat: "if you climb into the car seat I can strap you in and we will be on our way to the park. But you have to get in the car seat for me to drive there first"

Increase autonomy by asking them for help: Can you help me by putting your arms in the straps or do you need me to do it? *note there is no option given for not being strapped in the car seat*

If the child still refuses to get in the car:  Johnny isn't pleased with this situation and pouts refusing to get into his seat. Mother calmly tells him "there will be no park and puddle jumping until you get into your seat. I will not drive with you on my lap Johnny. I love you too much to risk your life". Johnny screams with rage and mother waits allowing him to express his emotions without getting emotional herself. As he calms down she tells Johnny that they can't go until he is in his car seat. Johnny begins trying to hit her because he wants to go to the park. Mother calmly takes his hands in hers and says "Johnny I won't let you hit me. Can you show me your gentle hands? oh there's a gentle hand" 

After this second redirection if the child still refuses to get into the car and traveling is absolutely necessary - mother can and should pick the child up and say "I won't let you do this Johnny, we have to go today. I am going to put you in your car seat now and I will get you out as soon as I can. It's okay to be mad. I'm with you and you're safe. Here we go"- and gently put the child in the car seat, screaming or not communicating each step of the way "I'm going to put your arms in the straps, now I do up the buckle and chest clip. All done."

*If traveling was for recreational purposes then choosing not to go will mean disappointment and the child may quickly change their mind but the parent must absolutely not give into demands that are unsafe.*

Is your toddler stressed out? 

When life is unpredictable, no direction is given and their parents are being driven crazy children become very stressed and often they also act out aggressively towards their parents or other children.

They have all this power and no idea how to use or what to use it for and it can make them feel so anxious that things that we as parents didn't even think were "things" can suddenly become near impossible and cause for tears and tantrums or outright aggression because the child isn't ready to be "the boss" they just don't have the experience or neurological development necessary to know what to do.

Imagine walking into a multi-billion dollar organization with no training whatsoever and suddenly being told you're the CEO? you'd just about have a stroke. Yet this is the position we put toddlers in when we don't give them clear boundaries and directions. It's a major disservice to the child.

Piggybacking off adult emotions

Children take all their emotional cues from us as parents with a side of survival instinct. They are the most perceptive beings on the planet- they can smell fear in their parents, it's what helps keep them alive.

When we approach our children feeling terrified that we are going to damage them or anxious because our own experience with something wasn't great we find ourselves unwittingly sabotaging any efforts we make to help our child through the issue.

I really do believe that many people need to heal themselves from their childhood enough that they can look at a situation with a fresh, logical and positive outlook- preferably BEFORE they have children. Though if you're damaged and a parent then what's done is done and healing ourselves is a service we can do for our precious children.We owe it to our children to not still be broken.

It really does help to remember when we are nervous about something that our experience is not necessarily going to be their experience.  We can help it to be different. The trick there though is not to go full pendulum swing to the other extreme end of the spectrum. Ah balance!

Put very plainly if something is freaking us out then our children are going to think they need to be freaking out too. So what ever you are trying to do- don't attempt it until you can confidently show your child how to do it without feeling immense fear. Work through any bad feelings, learn much more about the subject and then attempt it with an open mind and calm manner.

How to develop tact and provide direction without force 

Tact, is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such as way as they look forward to the trip~ Winston Churchill.

First of all MOST parents fall into permissiveness at some point. Usually due to exhaustion resulting from lack of self care and depression and anxiety are major contributors to making such as mess.

So first of all when fixing such a situation FORGET the things the kid is doing. Just for now. And look at your own day, your schedule, what you are eating and how much sleep you are getting. When was your last shower? HELP YOURSELF.

Put some direction in your day even if you have to write out a plan for the day and go off the clock.
Your plans could look like this for example:

• Have breakfast announce to your child that you're having breakfast and make their breakfast and put it on the table. You've offered food but if they want it then they need to sit down at the table for it and eat with you- make sure you sit down for it and make sure breakfast is more than a cup of coffee.  
• After you've had breakfast get in some exercise. A 30 minute walk to see faces. There have been studies finding that seeing faces in the morning first thing actually helps ward off depression. Also it will help put your child in a good mood. (If your child goes to childcare or kindergarten or school you could walk them to school but this post is mostly for stay at home parents with children at home.)
• When you get back play with your child for at least half an hour so they feel well connected and heard.
• Shower
•  Clean your house. Your environment absolutely influences how your day runs and the mood you are in. (a very messy house is a big red flag that you may be anxious, depressed or exhausted). Spend 15 minutes tidying every room until you've been in every room or cleaning for an hour.
• Put out a snack. same routine as breakfast. Sit down together to eat it. Calmly. Take your time.
• Do some more playing with your child perhaps read them a book. Half an hour of play.
• Put child down for a nap if they nap during the day
• go to the laundry and put on a load.
• Make a coffee and sit down to drink it. No technology though as that tends to feed depression because it's a socialization trickle when you need a steady steam if you're going to socialize. read something concrete like a magazine or favorite book or phone a friend.
• Clean some more if the house needs it. Mop the floors or vacuum.
• Hang out laundry or put in dryer.
• Get child up and set them up to play
• Make lunch and serve using the table top routine again. While you're making lunch you may also like to do the preparation for the evening meal such as chopping the vegetables and getting the meat out to defrost so that it's quicker when the time comes.
• Run errands if you have them.
• Set child up to play when you get home and begin evening meal cooking. If your child is able you can also involve them in the cooking. All activities are playtime to children and  they can actually be useful in the kitchen too.
• begin a solid bedtime routine. Bath, pajamas, wind down with quiet play then bed.

The above seems like a lot but when you know what you are doing your day will feel more predictable. And it isn't just for you. It's for your child. Children thrive when they can predict what happens next and when. When their environment is clean. And when their parents have paid them adequate attention. And in your day if you have anything you need to do with them that they may fight you on give them a five minute warning and then calmly put away the activity so they aren't terribly distracted and wait another minute just talking to them, then do your thing. Being rushed can be upsetting for toddlers so provide ample time.

How you word a direction matters:

If a direction is asked as a question then it isn't a direction. It's an option. it invites them to say "no" and if you do ask them if they want to and they say no then you opened yourself up for that one and will have to deal with the outcome either way. So only ask if you're prepared to live with either answer otherwise this is a good way to phrase it:

Example is Johnny toilet learning:

Instead of "johnny are you ready to try on the toilet?" to which Johnny can say no you phrase it:

"Johnny, in five minutes it's time for a toilet try" this provides Johnny with both the information he needs and time to warm up to the idea without setting yourself up for "NO!" even though he is busting and already doing a pee dance.

The child might still say no but you can then talk about why they need to do whatever and also what you will be doing afterward so they have something to look forward to. And give them choices within the activity "would you like to use the toilet or the potty?" "would you like me to help you pull your pants down or can you manage?" "can you climb onto the loo by yourself or shall I get the step?"

When you get to the big moment you issue a challenge and make it fun, it's how they learn. "Can you hear some pee in the potty?" or "I bet I can pee more than you!" often makes for a more cooperative child. If they refuse to go then have an accident a matter of fact "Oh dear, that's because you held it too long" will suffice. And it's the same for anything else you are teaching.

Lastly if all else fails sit them on the loo and distract them with a story or song. If they're already busting being distracted will relax them let the pee out.~ Super Nanny Jo Frost

Take heart

If you've got yourself a really determined and often labelled "Stubborn" child. it isn't going to last forever. Yes you have to provide extra time, supervision and direction without the option to refuse entirely but it will not last forever.

Just make sure that you provide the necessary amount of guidance and direction and keep moving forward. And if you're exhausted and don't feel like you can adult that day- rather than let yourself slip into permissive parenting because it's the path of least resistance get help. Call your mum or a friend or if you're really stuck- childcare. take the day off and recenter so that when the child comes back your cup is full and you can parent effectively.

There is no shame in asking for help. The end

Is someone you know exhausting you?

We all know at least one person whom we avoid or sigh inwardly when they see us and come to speak with us. Because they never have anything good to say and when we leave the conversation we feel worse rather than better.

This person leaves you feeling exhausted and yet all you did was talk with them?!?- this is because the conversation causes the adrenals to fire and while the person appears relatively relaxed as they speak to the person who is hard work it's causing their body to have to deal with a bucket load of adrenaline and cortisol in a stationary position.

This is really unhealthy for the body because like playing a video game that releases adrenaline in a seated position this can actually cause restlessness, fidgeting behaviors and insomnia on top of a feeling of exhaustion as the adrenaline had no where to go because they weren't burning it and the cortisol building up with no outlet either and their brain feels fried at the end.

So what can we do to help ourselves when this person inevitably finds us? As I was asked how I deal with so many people and their issues on a day to day basis I thought I would do a quick write up of how I cope with it.

First of all is to step back from the situation and not accept their angst as your own. Easier said than done but you can do it silently as they approach "no matter what this person says to me I don't have to make it my issue"

Secondly ask them "do you want advice or just someone to listen and acknowledge" this puts you in a position to listen but not internalize and them a chance to expel their sadness or stress.

Thirdly as they come up you can redirect their conversation. "Hello! whats fantastic right now?" being the perpetual ray of sunshine will do one of two things- it will buck them up.. or move them on. Misery loves company but if you won't let it drag you down it will find someone else.

Fourthly if they haven't got anything good exclaim "I don't know how you manage!" this almost always results in them saying "well... it's not that bad I do X..." and they solve their own misery by reaffirming the good in their lives to you.

So that's how I do it.

This months one and only post brought to you by Edward

Due to enormous changes in our routine and my general inability to multi-task at present.
We have been doing part days with the school, home learning, OT, swimming lessons, cricket and Karate as well as Kicky turning 4 years old and having a party and this month I also flew to Port Lincoln to be with my sister and her husband as they welcomed their second child. And we said goodbye to our beloved bunnies who got very sick and we couldn't help them except by putting them out of their misery. As I said it's been an enormous month of change. I'll write about these things later I'm sure but for now here is a little learning story/project that Edward had me type out.

The Caterpillars.

By Edward Kranz

When we came home from school our friend Rox visited for coffee and told mum she had seen some caterpillars on our vines. She said maybe we could feed them to the chickens.

Nicky tried to run out the door and mum told him he needs to wait.

Rox went back to work and we got a green cup and found the caterpillars in the vines. Nicky was a bit scared of them and only wants to hold the cup not the caterpillars. I found lots of caterpillars.

We didn't know what kind of caterpillars they were. So we looked it up on the internet.

Mum found a poster with lots of different caterpillars on them and we found the right picture.

Our caterpillars are called AGARISTINAE I like trying to say their name. They are also called "day-flying moths"  they turn into a black moth when they grow up.

This is what the internet says about them:

"This is a striking Caterpillar which is black with pale yellow lines running across and along its body to give it a checked appearance. It has long white hairs scattered sparsely over its otherwise smooth skin. It has a light brown head capsule, a series of lateral red spots, and a big red rump. This big red knob on the last abdominal segment may cause predators such as birds to mistake the tail for the head, and being larger, may even repel them, or at least divert their attention from the more vital head region. The Caterpillar usually rests on the undersides of the leaves of its food plant."

we knew these were the right caterpillars because we found them on our grape vines.

But our caterpillars couldn't stay so we went to the lions trail and put them on a bush.

And that was the end of the caterpillars at our house.

Behaviour post

One of the most common things I hear from people who interact with my children from time to time is how well behaved they are. But I have some news for all those acquaintances out there who think I totally have myself together. Sometimes my children don't behave so "nicely" sometimes they are down right children of the corn.

But often enough the cause of so called poor behavior and the duration of exhibition are entirely our own interpretation of how children should act and our reaction to the behavior will either exacerbate the situation or De-escalate it.

So what do I personally do when my cherubs are acting like wailing Banshees?

One of the first things I do when a child is exhibiting behavior that is striking a nerve is LOWER MY EXPECTATIONS!

I ask myself the following questions. Regularly.

Are they being challenging? Or are they simply acting their age?

Five year olds make annoying noises, talk back, touch cool looking stuff that isn't theirs, sometimes pick their nose and forget to wipe their butt properly- deal with it. After all the only adult in the relationship is the parent or carer. Address it calmly and help them make things right- without having a tantrum or raking them over the coals.

Are they being rude by not hugging a visitor? Do I have a right to be "embarrassed" by their resistance OR am I forcing intimacy between children and someone they don't know very well?
 or even someone they do know well? 

It's their body and their personal space. As a person they have every right to decide who comes into their personal space and who does not- it's their body and their decision. Age has nothing to do with consent to physical contact. This is how people keep themselves safe regardless of how big or small they are and the smaller you are the more intimidating someone being in your personal space is.

A really good way to experience exactly how intimidating proximity to others is for children is to draw circles within circles like a target, each circle represents a relationship- the outer circle is for acquaintances (relatives your child has never met or does not see regularly are still only an acquaintance. Blood means absolutely nothing to a small child)

The next circle is for known friends and relatives and children are more likely to be comfortable with hugs (but don't expect them to, sometimes there is a good reason your child doesn't want to hug a known person and you probably should ask them how they feel about this person in private) and the third circle is for Mum and Dad and siblings.. Maybe Nannas and Pa's too.

The fourth and final circle is for the child themselves. It's a tiny little space bubble and it is all theirs.

Get into that tiny space and kneel down to the childs level and have another adult walk up to you- you'll find yourself instantly recoiling and uncomfortable with the "crotch to head" level experienced. Hint: kids don't like it either. Please please please respect their personal space the same way you would any one else. This goes for all people. Not just your own kids too. Showing respect for Personal space often will soon have you invited in for hugs and kisses believe it or not!

Saying things without thinking: 
Kids have absolutely no filter. They say whatever happens to be in their heads at the time and they repeat words and phrases they have heard at the most inappropriate of times.

If  a child starts swearing do you know the best way to make it stop? by point blank IGNORING IT. If you jump up and down and threaten washing their mouth out or grounding etc- the word then suddenly has a lot of value. If you don't even blink then the child will usually stop saying it.

If you really can't resist saying something because it really bothers you take the child aside and tell them very quietly that the word isn't a nice one and we only use nice words with our friends or they might feel bad. If you say something keep it very very low key and once this has been established if they use a bad word ask them simply to choose another word.

Accidents/ mess making/ toy clean up.

Where there are children there is mess. It's that simple. It is appropriate to get the child to help clean it up. But help them so they can learn exactly how to do it. If they have already learned how then it will be easy for them later.

Consider how the accident or mess would be approached if an adult had made it- usually by a laugh followed by "don't even worry about it"

Children do not need to be raked over the coals about an accident either. Just accept their apology in the exact same way and get them to help you clean it up.

Regarding toys this is worthy of note- too many toys out at once overwhelms a young childs brain and makes them feel as though they "don't know where to start" because the toys are just all over the place. If we as parents want our children to clean up their own toys then it's worthwhile to teach them to put away each toy immediately after they play with it so they don't suddenly find themselves surrounded. Yes this takes time. Everything in parenting takes time. Suck it up.

Destructive/violent/ actually inappropriate behavior:
I have found that almost all truly bad behavior comes out of an unmet need and feelings of fear, rejection or disconnect.

If your usually potty learned toddler suddenly starts peeing on your couch on purpose- you may need to look at the rest of your day and do a rewind. Think about what has been happening and what triggered it. What is different? Are you in a bad mood too?

Most often the worst thing we can do about any kind of behavior we don't like is to get emotional about it. Getting emotional leads to yelling at your kids or worse.

If you feel very upset with your children verbalizing it is better than the first option "Son, your actions have made me very upset and I need you to leave me alone for a minute so I don't say something I will regret" go and put yourself in "time out".

Verbalizing it allows you to communicate your feelings and then move yourself away while letting your child know exactly why and gives them a chance to ponder what is wrong. When you feel calmer go back and talk about it with your child.

Be honest but very calm and gentle about the subject. Especially with very young children. remind yourself that they are half your size and maybe even make a hot chocolate and sit down with them to talk about it. Listen to their side of the story as well. A discussion rather than a witch hunt.

And when you are done talking about it there- it's done. There is no need to "fill in" the other parent when they get home or otherwise bring the episode to the light in front of the child. There is no need to have the other parent talk to them about it as well unless it involved the destruction of their things.

Moving on allows the child a fresh start for the day and the chance to have a happy time together. By moving on the child learns about true forgiveness and self control and how to move on from bad experiences in a healthy manner. A manner that addresses the problem but doesn't dwell or punish them for long times. Natural consequences if the actions were very bad will punish them for exactly long enough without our adding to it.

The final thing I am going to say is this Children absorb our emotions. This means if we as parents have a fight in front of them. Display strong negative feelings or behaviors ourselves or otherwise allow ourselves to become overtly stressed- Our children pick up on this and it bothers them immensely.

Unfortunately they have no clue what to do with the stresses they are feeling so they lash out, make messes or get destructive often as a way to release the pressure. If we can simply rewind and find what set them off we can help to make it right without any form on punishment at all. Behavior is a symptom, not the problem itself. There is no such thing as a "bad child". The end.

Why make lunchboxes for your kids when they're home?

My boys love to get themselves food and they eat a lot now. As a result I try to make sure there are options available to them that they can get on their own. Unfortunately this has lead to unchecked raiding of my cupboards and snack shelf in the fridge.

This term I decided that there is to be no more "free for all lunches" in our house.

It costs a small fortune to do it and the boys weren't always prone to making the best decisions about their food.

Now I know some parents think that its important for children to maintain autonomy over their lives regarding their own bodies and food and for the most part I agree.

However, unless you are continuously traipsing all over town to satisfy their every whim you are still limiting and controlling their choices. There isn't anything wrong with that.

Others say "if you only give them healthy options then they can only make healthy choices" true again. But cost wise and variety wise if you have a faddy eater (and I do) who will only eat sweet potato carrot and apple purée at $2 per 70g pouch and they eat twenty of those in a day it soon becomes unsustainable and the child turns a lovely yellow color to boot and never tries anything else.

What if its something that everyone really likes and one keeps eating ALL of it so everyone else misses out? Sorry to those who disagree with it- I am into ensuring they have a good variety so they don't become obese, deficient or eat us out of house and home.

So what did I do? I started making "school day lunch boxes" the night before they have a water bottle each and I cram as much healthy and various foods into their nude food movers. Between 9am-3pm at any time they are hungry they can choose something from their lunch boxes to eat.

This has also meant I have more time to spend teaching them because I'm not running to the kitchen to cook in the middle of the day anymore and there's less washing up because they eat straight out of their boxes and drink directly from their water bottles so I feel less stressed and more streamlined in our day to day lives.


Having a lunch box everyday also means I am always prepared should we decide to go somewhere- we just grab the lunches and water bottles and head out.

No buying drinks or food and no mad half an hour where I'm rushing to get the packed lunches ready because it's already done. Throw them into a back pack and you're done.

They are still autonomously deciding whether or not they will eat something but their choices are limited to what is in their box. And I have started providing an opportunity for recess and lunch so they both remember to eat.

Today they both got:

(gluten-free) veggie spread sandwiches
1 muesli bar
1 (snack size Ziploc bag) organic potato chips
1 pouch of purée veg
1 fruit box
Home made chocolate cupcake
Little pot of mixed berries

If they run out then they have to wait for their afternoon fruit and the evening meal. And while they did initially gorge in the morning and then only have their sandwiches left by lunch time the first week they have now learned to stagger out their food a bit more and our food budget while remaining a little on the higher side as I work out exactly how much they eat during the middle of the day has become immediately happier. Though being the snack police does take its toll on my sanity they have quickly learned that I will not stop them accessing their lunch boxes- only the other stuff in the fridge.

Other foods ideas:

Roast meat, veg and gravy.
Mexican style rice
Taco shell and mince sauce and salad (kids assemble or it goes soggy)
Stir fry
Boiled eggs
Fruit leather
Curry
Salad
"cheese n crackers"
Mini pizzas
home made yogurt
fresh pieces of fruit
custard
block cheese cut into sticks
home made "Subway" sandwiches
mini hot dogs
mini quiches
home made pies, pasties and sausage rolls

Pretty well anything else that I can make and store in an appropriate size pot in their lunch is up for use. It also helps if the kids have access to a microwave to reheat their food. the list really is endless.

And I have so much less stress now. The end.

End of 2015/Happy New Year post

So.. this was supposed to be posted a whole day ago. But I didn't get to hitting publish in time and life happened.. And here we are in a new year.

So much happened in December it was ridiculous.

We visited a local private school and arranged for Edison to attend a few courses with them which is excellent and hopefully will not cause him too much anxiety- a major reason we pulled him from Kindergarten. It will be literally only 5 hours a week or so though. If he wants to stay he can but he can also come home if he needs. He is 100% in control of whether or not he stays there without me. We just have to show up for our morning sessions.


Also we have traveled! we went to Victoria from Dec 17th-19th to attend a wedding reception of my cousins. We spent more time traveling than we did seeing anyone but it was still nice.

Immediately after the wedding reception the extended family we were going to see over the Christmas break became sick and so we didn't bother much on the eve or the day, but had a boxing day lunch with my MIL and the boys played in the back yard and it was lovely.

Since then we've kind of just run about seeing people and trying to clean the house and restock the pantry as well as looking for a good swimming program to help Edison along with his technique. Eventually I just decided to settle for the local swimming pool and lessons. Since this was the most budget friendly option when including travel time and costs.

So, the New Year. What do we have planned for this?

Well with any luck I will be finishing the manuscript for the first of a series of books I am writing. Which is partially why the blog has been a bit sparse. But I shan't rush this project. Rather I'll draft, edit, draft again.. repeat- until I am happy with it.

Other than my book writing I will continue my permaculture lifestyle and plan more garden beds and crops.

Commence Home Kindergarten for Nicholas and Foundation year for Edison in conjucntion with the private school as a support/resource center.

And since I can't think of anything else I'll end the post here. But I'm absolutely certain there will be other great plans to make for this year. But I'm really not into New Year resolutions so listing them all wouldn't be my style anyway.

Happy New Year Peeps!

I'm still here!

I know it's been ages since I posted. As I am sitting here on Nov 30th (for Australia, this blog publishes on U.S. time) But it's been a really big month and I have a lot going on so here's a quick overview of what's been happening.

We Finally finished Chicken Alcatraz. Now I can plant in our back yard again and our hens have a large enough fully enclosed space to move around and be chickens without being the garden destroying units they have been up until now. The chicken coop and run is made from 99% recycled materials resulting in very few dollars spent and is predator proof as well as chicken proof- if there is even a six inch gap at the top where the shade cloth connects to the wire our Australorp hens will find it and be out in just minutes. It works well! At the moment there is a long cage in there right now, one of our hens has a baby chicken and this is the best way I could find to keep it safe.


               


Then there's the fact that Edison; now five and a half, has finished up his year of pre-homeschool and we are currently evaluating where to from here. I would prefer to be a purely home schooling family while MC would like to work out an arrangement with a school so that Edison can "socialize more" because MC is concerned that he won't be able to cope in the "real world" and cope with people in the work place later in life if he's not used to interacting with peers. This will likely be an ongoing discussion through the summer and left til the absolute last minute until we can come to an agreeable arrangement on levels of exposure for a child who has already had bad experiences with main stream education. The good news? Edison is academically on track and loves art, music, animals, gym and maths. He tolerates letter learning but isn't as keen as he used to be on it.

MC is as always hard at work. I really have to admire that. He works a lot and I don't always know what it is he's up to but he's always at it. Right now he's pretty invested in finding the best arrangement for Edison, we're on opposite sides but I'm sure we can meet in the middle.

Kicky is now three years and eight months old. He's pretty full on and is speaking a lot more than he used to. His current passion is trying to get to our baby rabbits and mine is preventing him from loving them too hard. He's also coming into his own with his participation in Milo Cricket. They aren't supposed to start until they are five years old but the older kids love letting him join in and are very good with him.



As for myself I have finished up studying and am currently writing a book for parents on self care. Which is amazing and scary all at once and is taking up a great deal of time as I want to do the best possible job I can with it. I expect it to be a series and to not take too long to read, I'm going for simplicity and comprehension rather than intricate detail and I refuse to tell parents how to do their job rather provide all the information and they can just decide for themselves. This is likely to drive a few of my more purist friends absolutely crazy but it isn't about spreading a specific dogma or even about my own choices as a parent, rather helping absolutely any couple come back to a good place regarding self care and from that enabling them to care for their children however they choose to do it.

Local recent events have been that there was an enormous fire at Pinery, which is not all that far from us. Just 20km or so. more than 85, 700 hectares were burnt to nothing and it's actually still burning as I write this though the fire is contained. Two local people died in the blaze along with around 500 sows and their piglets in a piggery and 50, 000 chickens in a chicken farm and countless other livestock such as sheep and cattle. Horses too. Over 90 homes have been lost.

When Edison heard that there were children near him that had lost literally everything he was down right concerned. He took two garbage bags into his room and found some of his nicest toys to give to the children. He didn't skimp either. A whole play set and many stuffed animals and cars and trains went into those bags. All clean and in good working order. He also threw in a couple pairs of shoes that he hadn't been using. And then I had to immediately find somewhere that was taking in donations for the fire victims so he could give them his gift. He seemed satisfied when he left and since then we've talked about how lucky we all are to still be here with all our belongings intact.

We're hoping that the winds will cease so that the hot spots in the fire zone can cool off and stop flaring up unexpectedly.

So that's what's been going on. Til next time.