I've been meaning to write about our "Home Kindy" adventures for a while but there is this funny little coincidence that DOING Home Education doesn't leave much time for blogging about Home Education. Also because I like to word things concerning children really carefully because lets face it Education is one of those hotly debated topics and one person mentions home education methods and all the parents who like sending their kids to school feel self conscious. I don't want that. I do not care what method of education your child has provided it works for them and they are happy and progressing well. So to be clear "THIS IS WHAT IS WORKING FOR US RIGHT NOW"
We are currently using the unschooling methods with the Montessori learning approach. That is we use Delight Based Learning and we talk about and then ask questions in the Montessori Order "this is a butterfly, Show me the butterfly, What is this? *holds up the butterfly* .
For example Edison is interested in trains (one of many interests) we provide toy trains and train story books, we count wheels on the toy trains and those train pictures and talk about colors and he learns to read the words in the books. Three lessons in one: English, Art and Maths. See? in order for him NOT to learn these things I would have to keep them from basically everything life involves.
Many people are new to Unschooling and so they think it is somehow "unparenting" or somehow uncaring or parents simply ignoring their children. This could not be further from the truth. In fact Unschooling is a very hands on approach and I dare say it isn't for everyone because everyone has different needs.
Monday through to Friday I dedicate my days to the boys learning. When we wake up in the morning we get ready for our day by dressing, having breakfast and then spending some time "just being" it is so important that we have time to "be" it as important as "belonging" and "becoming" *early years learning frame work*
After we spend some time doing what we like I take the boys for a walk. This is our PE and involves bike or pony riding and when we get home they pick the activity and I go with it and use it to teach them most often water play or ball play- I find that children cannot bounce off the walls if there are none.
The PE ends and the boys are ready for some quieter activities, we sing some songs and our ABC's then we recite some Nursery Rhymes that the children pick. We act them out and we dance and jump and play Simon Says.
Art is by far Edison's main passion right now. I have bought some cheaper bundles of paper and he has access to pens, pencils and paints and chalk and oil crayons and sponges and brushes and he draws and paints to his hearts content. We have many many folders containing his works though the really impressive pieces go in a special folder.
Kicky loves ball play and bike riding so we do a lot of that too. He just rides around on the little balance bike and sometimes chases the dog. He's learning control and balance and how to judge whether or not his bike will fit through spaces and also burning a ton of energy. This is a good thing.
Another subject they both love is Home Economics. I know that some people are thinking "but they're only 2 and 3 years old!" but it's true, they are learning both to cook and sew. I haven't forced this on them they simply showed and interest and I gave them the opportunity to have a go and they loved it so it's become an almost everyday thing. Edison is especially good at it since he's 21 months older than his brother and he enjoys making simple meals like microwave scrambled eggs with soy cheese and pancakes and cupcake decorating. They both help to cut up vegetables and enjoy putting on aprons and serving each other fruit and drinks of water.
They learn the sewing machine by sitting on my lap and sewing different stitches onto scraps of fabric and we even made some outfits for their toys with (a lot of) help from me.
"BUT WON'T THEY BE UNSOCIALIZED!" I hear some exclaim.. well.. Unschooling doesn't mean we stay home and don't see anybody. We are also attending Play group, Healthy families, Rhyme Time at the Library, Childrens Church and Kinder Gym and the boys are having a wonderful time at all of these places and socialize well. Not to mention they interact with people of all different ages and ethnicity every day as they explore their world. They are I dare say MORE socialized than some mainstream children.
As I said before this is what is working for us, later on if it stops working, I have to work at the same time of day as MC or if the kids WANT to go to school then we will use a school and supplement that education with our own input. But for now we are happy and our children are thriving.
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Monday, 28 April 2014
Not Sleeping- an update.
You may remember my post labelled "8 days and counting.. with almost no sleep" if you don't it's the post right before this one. And this post is an update on how things are going now.
At this point I am basically reteaching my toddler how to go to sleep and stay asleep. We are not rushing things as if I push him even slightly too hard he becomes inconsolable which results in him going backwards and to top it off wakes the rest of the house.
SO I've done a couple things to make this easier on myself and MC. The first was that the kids bedroom door stays open and we are just quieter. A pain but captions on a movie work just fine. The second thing I did was I placed our spare double mattress back in their room and stayed in the bed long enough to put my scent in the sheets. This was for two reasons the first so that our little people had somewhere to go to sleep that they felt connected but we had space in our main bed so MC could get a decent sleep. And secondly so I could join them later if one or both woke up (I am also gently holding them down until they fall back to sleep otherwise Kicky will get back up and want to play).
Because my main concern is not even my own sleep but that of my husbands and he should not have to leave his bed because it's so cramped he can't sleep. The mattress set up in the boys room works better. I put the mattress right between their beds so we have all the space we could possibly need and if by chance MC misses us he can come join us too. After three nights of sleeping either together or with me the boys were happy to get in their own beds- this was their choice now that they knew I was close by and would remain so as long as they needed- they then wanted their own space.
And then last night I put them to bed in their beds, mattress between as before but they didn't wake and I went to bed with MC and woke up around 5AM as my body clock is now rewired to do so thanks to the constant waking for over two weeks. And I did move myself into the floor bed. Because I missed the boys.
I will be leaving the double mattress set up for a couple more weeks but only so that the kids don't think I'm planning to abandon them. That would make them revolt. instead I'll wait until no one has slept there for a few nights and explain that we don't need to keep it out anymore.
So there you have it. what we did to get them back into their sleep routine. The where is not as important as the sleep to us so we're very happy.
At this point I am basically reteaching my toddler how to go to sleep and stay asleep. We are not rushing things as if I push him even slightly too hard he becomes inconsolable which results in him going backwards and to top it off wakes the rest of the house.
SO I've done a couple things to make this easier on myself and MC. The first was that the kids bedroom door stays open and we are just quieter. A pain but captions on a movie work just fine. The second thing I did was I placed our spare double mattress back in their room and stayed in the bed long enough to put my scent in the sheets. This was for two reasons the first so that our little people had somewhere to go to sleep that they felt connected but we had space in our main bed so MC could get a decent sleep. And secondly so I could join them later if one or both woke up (I am also gently holding them down until they fall back to sleep otherwise Kicky will get back up and want to play).
Because my main concern is not even my own sleep but that of my husbands and he should not have to leave his bed because it's so cramped he can't sleep. The mattress set up in the boys room works better. I put the mattress right between their beds so we have all the space we could possibly need and if by chance MC misses us he can come join us too. After three nights of sleeping either together or with me the boys were happy to get in their own beds- this was their choice now that they knew I was close by and would remain so as long as they needed- they then wanted their own space.
And then last night I put them to bed in their beds, mattress between as before but they didn't wake and I went to bed with MC and woke up around 5AM as my body clock is now rewired to do so thanks to the constant waking for over two weeks. And I did move myself into the floor bed. Because I missed the boys.
I will be leaving the double mattress set up for a couple more weeks but only so that the kids don't think I'm planning to abandon them. That would make them revolt. instead I'll wait until no one has slept there for a few nights and explain that we don't need to keep it out anymore.
So there you have it. what we did to get them back into their sleep routine. The where is not as important as the sleep to us so we're very happy.
Tuesday, 22 April 2014
8 days and counting.. with (almost) no sleep
Every parent knows the torture of a sleepless night with a new born, where rocking the baby and trying to soothe them looks less like a baby product commercial and more like a spectacle such as wrestling a bag of snakes. I am pretty sure every parent can relate to that.
But what about when it's not an 3-4.5 kg (7-10 pounds) bundle? what if it's a 15 kg toddler? what happens if the screaming just won't stop no matter what you do? when you've nursed, patted, cuddled, read stories, played outside all day and offered nutritious snacks and kept a routine and made sure that sugar isn't part of their normal diet and it just never ends? what if telling them calmly "it's time to sleep, good night honey" is to them code for "show me how loud you can yell and how hard you can kick the door in!" what happens when even the old "sleep with Mama and Papa" trick just leads to no one sleeping as the tot just slaps you in the face repeatedly and kicks you and gets up and wants to play and it's not even 2AM yet? How many parents have faced that?
I have recently with Kicky. He's a two year old on a mission to deprive me of sleep until I completely surrender to his plans. When Edison was the same age he only ever woke for a reason. In fact he was SO good at bedtime that I'd just put him in bed give him a kiss and leave. And that is how he likes it still. We momentarily had issues when we were given a big kid bed for him by my MIL. He didn't feel secure for the first week and so he was restless but we've always given the children the option of sleeping in their own space or sleeping with us. It's totally up to them. Edison has always preferred his own space. Even as a new born. Kicky is completely the opposite and while as an infact he had the same excellent routine that saw him grow enormous and sleeping quite well that Edison had *he has always been an early riser but was easily put down and resettled* he's very sensitive and the slightest change brings about catastrophe. So when we went away for a week and not a single problem arose after the first night concerning his sleep I thought maybe we were making some progress! Progress after a tricky two years!!
Oh how wrong I was.
When we got back home he was exhausted from the trip and so he slept it off for a couple days and I like a fool made no attempt to prevent this. I felt it would be cruel to make him keep his usual times after such a long journey. But after two days he'd started a new sleep pattern and he was no longer tired.
He started waking up through the night, and refusing all attempts to resettle him and sleep. He wanted up. He wanted to play and he thought everyone else should be up too. So he screamed at me for not turning the lights on. He tried to kick in the bedroom door to get to me when I tried to go back to bed and leave him playing in the family room, he got into the pantry and made a mess with the cocoa powder and rice flour and eggs, he woke Edison who then joined in. and poor MC didn't get a very restful night either. I was always able to resettle Edison and he went back to bed without argument. But this was just the beginning of Kicky's reign of terror. He literally wanted me to sit up and watch him sleep. I couldn't even roll over and sleep with him I had to watch him and if I tried to move his eyes would snap open and he'd scream again.
night after night I put myself to bed right after he was deeply asleep to make sure I got a few hours. but between 11:30PM and 2AM he would be up again. The sleep was but a nap time to him. and then around noon he'd crash and nothing I did would keep him awake. This kid could sleep on his feet when it suited him.
Stories were read in an attempt to make him sleepy and relaxed. it made it worse as he was being rewarded for getting up. I desperately even turned on the TV in the end. Just to a radio channel with sleepy sounding classical music. It didn't work. More days passed and I was lost in a haze of sleep deprivation and desperation. I couldn't nap when he did during the day as I had to care for Edison who was awake and needed and deserved attention and I was by myself. More coffee and less sleep were almost a foregone conclusion about my future. It was horrible.
Eventually I asked others for ideas. most had the same ones such as "leaving him to scream", another was "sleep with him" And a fellow Blogger suggested I tell him something along the lines of "the doctor says I have to go to bed, I have neck problems so I can only stay with you X number of minutes and then I have to go to sleep and so do you" and slowly wean him from the attention I think this is probably the gentlest and most sensible idea so far. All likely have their merits. But do all of these ideas lead to sleep for me? Are there other ideas out there? I tend to use the Super Nanny's "dinner, bath, bed" routine as it slowly winds them down and then you just leave. This worked before we left and will likely with time work again but breaking the habit is imperative. Does anyone have any ideas? I will post an update when things work themselves out because of course they will. And until then I take comfort that surely I am not the only parent to ever have a wakeful child.
But what about when it's not an 3-4.5 kg (7-10 pounds) bundle? what if it's a 15 kg toddler? what happens if the screaming just won't stop no matter what you do? when you've nursed, patted, cuddled, read stories, played outside all day and offered nutritious snacks and kept a routine and made sure that sugar isn't part of their normal diet and it just never ends? what if telling them calmly "it's time to sleep, good night honey" is to them code for "show me how loud you can yell and how hard you can kick the door in!" what happens when even the old "sleep with Mama and Papa" trick just leads to no one sleeping as the tot just slaps you in the face repeatedly and kicks you and gets up and wants to play and it's not even 2AM yet? How many parents have faced that?
I have recently with Kicky. He's a two year old on a mission to deprive me of sleep until I completely surrender to his plans. When Edison was the same age he only ever woke for a reason. In fact he was SO good at bedtime that I'd just put him in bed give him a kiss and leave. And that is how he likes it still. We momentarily had issues when we were given a big kid bed for him by my MIL. He didn't feel secure for the first week and so he was restless but we've always given the children the option of sleeping in their own space or sleeping with us. It's totally up to them. Edison has always preferred his own space. Even as a new born. Kicky is completely the opposite and while as an infact he had the same excellent routine that saw him grow enormous and sleeping quite well that Edison had *he has always been an early riser but was easily put down and resettled* he's very sensitive and the slightest change brings about catastrophe. So when we went away for a week and not a single problem arose after the first night concerning his sleep I thought maybe we were making some progress! Progress after a tricky two years!!
Oh how wrong I was.
When we got back home he was exhausted from the trip and so he slept it off for a couple days and I like a fool made no attempt to prevent this. I felt it would be cruel to make him keep his usual times after such a long journey. But after two days he'd started a new sleep pattern and he was no longer tired.
He started waking up through the night, and refusing all attempts to resettle him and sleep. He wanted up. He wanted to play and he thought everyone else should be up too. So he screamed at me for not turning the lights on. He tried to kick in the bedroom door to get to me when I tried to go back to bed and leave him playing in the family room, he got into the pantry and made a mess with the cocoa powder and rice flour and eggs, he woke Edison who then joined in. and poor MC didn't get a very restful night either. I was always able to resettle Edison and he went back to bed without argument. But this was just the beginning of Kicky's reign of terror. He literally wanted me to sit up and watch him sleep. I couldn't even roll over and sleep with him I had to watch him and if I tried to move his eyes would snap open and he'd scream again.
night after night I put myself to bed right after he was deeply asleep to make sure I got a few hours. but between 11:30PM and 2AM he would be up again. The sleep was but a nap time to him. and then around noon he'd crash and nothing I did would keep him awake. This kid could sleep on his feet when it suited him.
Stories were read in an attempt to make him sleepy and relaxed. it made it worse as he was being rewarded for getting up. I desperately even turned on the TV in the end. Just to a radio channel with sleepy sounding classical music. It didn't work. More days passed and I was lost in a haze of sleep deprivation and desperation. I couldn't nap when he did during the day as I had to care for Edison who was awake and needed and deserved attention and I was by myself. More coffee and less sleep were almost a foregone conclusion about my future. It was horrible.
Eventually I asked others for ideas. most had the same ones such as "leaving him to scream", another was "sleep with him" And a fellow Blogger suggested I tell him something along the lines of "the doctor says I have to go to bed, I have neck problems so I can only stay with you X number of minutes and then I have to go to sleep and so do you" and slowly wean him from the attention I think this is probably the gentlest and most sensible idea so far. All likely have their merits. But do all of these ideas lead to sleep for me? Are there other ideas out there? I tend to use the Super Nanny's "dinner, bath, bed" routine as it slowly winds them down and then you just leave. This worked before we left and will likely with time work again but breaking the habit is imperative. Does anyone have any ideas? I will post an update when things work themselves out because of course they will. And until then I take comfort that surely I am not the only parent to ever have a wakeful child.
Friday, 18 April 2014
A story about free range kids and community.
This is a story that happened not terribly long ago but that I've been lax in putting up here, Sorry about that. Here it is:
Edison is almost 4 and enjoys walking our aging dog Odie I let him go as far as the end of our block and Odie being a well trained dog won't let him cross the road. well he was doing just that, walking our dog and I was watching from a few letterboxes down so I knew he was truly safe but not smothering him.
A rough looking boy(about 6 years old) known for causing trouble came to him, I couldn't hear the conversation and slowly started walking towards them. Suddenly he grabbed Odie's leash and started off with the dog at first I though Ed had let him have a turn but then he started crying, loudly. I was about to call Odie back this kid wouldn't have known what hit him when this Bull dog X (pit-mix for the Americans) started pulling him back when I saw the group of neighbor hood children that had attended Kickys' party.
Five of the usual group of seven are staring this guy down. two of them are much older than Edison and the little dog thief; they're 11.
They command respect amongst their younger peers and the oldest boy says "that dog doesn't belong to you. Give it back" The boy stood there a moment trying to work out if he could ignore this guy or if he'd be sorry he didn't listen. He didn't have to wait long.
The girl went over and hugged Edison and whispered something that made him laugh. The boy took the dog leash from the bully's hand and handed it back to Edison and the bully took off running back to what I assume is his house.
Free range kids have COMMUNITY! these older kids have enjoyed playing on our property since the party that almost wasn't. And come over a lot, entering from the back fence and interacting with our boys and pets regularly, (our pony needs a diet as a result of the treats they feed her). So there we have it. my little guys have bigger kids as friends and they look out for each other! They also learn better social and negotiation skills when parents "stay out of it" unless absolutely necessary.
While I will readily admit it's sometimes daunting because we may be afraid bigger kids will be rough with our small children or even try to hurt them, it's more destructive than constructive to rush to their aid every time someone doesn't want to wait their turn or snatches. It can even backfire as the kids feel our discomfort at the close proximity feeding off the negative vibe for lack of a better word.
If we do it for them yes they feel momentarily secure but they never truly learn what it is to manage their own conflicts and eventually this eats away at their confidence think: "Mum has to help me with this without her I am helpless". By hanging back and watching we give them the opportunity to try in a controlled environment. Which then makes them feel empowered to try on their own first and then if they can't work it out they'll ask you. There is no need to fight every battle your child has. Give the kids some credit and they'll make friends and be watched out for by their peers and in turn when they're bigger they too will watch out for the little ones.
Edison is almost 4 and enjoys walking our aging dog Odie I let him go as far as the end of our block and Odie being a well trained dog won't let him cross the road. well he was doing just that, walking our dog and I was watching from a few letterboxes down so I knew he was truly safe but not smothering him.
A rough looking boy(about 6 years old) known for causing trouble came to him, I couldn't hear the conversation and slowly started walking towards them. Suddenly he grabbed Odie's leash and started off with the dog at first I though Ed had let him have a turn but then he started crying, loudly. I was about to call Odie back this kid wouldn't have known what hit him when this Bull dog X (pit-mix for the Americans) started pulling him back when I saw the group of neighbor hood children that had attended Kickys' party.
Five of the usual group of seven are staring this guy down. two of them are much older than Edison and the little dog thief; they're 11.
They command respect amongst their younger peers and the oldest boy says "that dog doesn't belong to you. Give it back" The boy stood there a moment trying to work out if he could ignore this guy or if he'd be sorry he didn't listen. He didn't have to wait long.
The girl went over and hugged Edison and whispered something that made him laugh. The boy took the dog leash from the bully's hand and handed it back to Edison and the bully took off running back to what I assume is his house.
Free range kids have COMMUNITY! these older kids have enjoyed playing on our property since the party that almost wasn't. And come over a lot, entering from the back fence and interacting with our boys and pets regularly, (our pony needs a diet as a result of the treats they feed her). So there we have it. my little guys have bigger kids as friends and they look out for each other! They also learn better social and negotiation skills when parents "stay out of it" unless absolutely necessary.
While I will readily admit it's sometimes daunting because we may be afraid bigger kids will be rough with our small children or even try to hurt them, it's more destructive than constructive to rush to their aid every time someone doesn't want to wait their turn or snatches. It can even backfire as the kids feel our discomfort at the close proximity feeding off the negative vibe for lack of a better word.
If we do it for them yes they feel momentarily secure but they never truly learn what it is to manage their own conflicts and eventually this eats away at their confidence think: "Mum has to help me with this without her I am helpless". By hanging back and watching we give them the opportunity to try in a controlled environment. Which then makes them feel empowered to try on their own first and then if they can't work it out they'll ask you. There is no need to fight every battle your child has. Give the kids some credit and they'll make friends and be watched out for by their peers and in turn when they're bigger they too will watch out for the little ones.
Sunday, 30 March 2014
Growing your own food, the great things and the challenges
We've been growing vegetables gardens every year since we moved in almost four years ago. (only another 9 weeks) and each and every garden has presented similar challenges associated with toddlers and back yard veggie patches. Now that we're doing a multiple families sized project it's only magnified. First I'll list the great things.. then the less great.. because everything has pros and cons right?
THE PRO'S:
THE CONS:
THE PRO'S:
- it gets us outside.. now even more so because the patch is much much bigger *thank goodness for weed mat I would not enjoy weeding this size area.*
- Kids really do eat more fruit and veg when they grow/pick/choose it themselves. I am yet to harvest even one strawberry or blackberry despite having some very heavy laden bushes.
- It is much much cheaper to grow it all yourself especially when you take into account the fuel/time to drive to the store to get them even with the cost of the water to grow them.
- They taste SO GOOD because well.. they cannot get any fresher than picked 5 minutes before consumption.
- The kids cannot wait to get outside and tend the garden. Nana bought them a little watering can and wheel barrow and they are tentatively taking turns with them each day.
- Chickens make excellent pets. And then add in the free fertilizer and reward of fresh eggs.
- As far as effort goes- it's minimal. Since we used weed mats, raised beds and filled the raised beds with 90% horse manure (free from our horses) and 10% potting mix. so we NEVER have to fertilize OR weed now and we allow dead leaves to become mulch or chicken food. We just water then harvest and go. though we enjoy being in there so much we love to take our time.
THE CONS:
- being a multiple family garden I have to try to keep the kids from eating ALL the berries themselves.
- Also explaining to them that they should NOT pull seedlings up to examine their roots OR stomp on them to hear them crunch.
- we have to organize someone to feed our chickens (and other animals) and water our vegetable gardens if we want to go away for more than a day.
- it's on me; if we don't grow enough then I am responsible for it and would have to apologize. it puts a little more pressure on me to make sure we produce well.
- bugs and mice are attracted to homes with veggie patches and chickens so we have to maintain adequate pest control- or natures pest control will come around- snakes.
- you have to keep any and all pets OFF the garden beds at all costs- especially when they're still only seedlings. bigger plants can take more.
Wednesday, 19 March 2014
Caught In The Culture
A fore word:
I've had this "thing" in me forever, but it's been kinda hard to get it out in any way that makes real sense, I understand it in my head but then getting it out into a comprehensible and flowing blog post has been really hard. So I've been drafting this one for a while and asking a few very patient and generous people to read my babbling, to add to my thoughts and to tell me when they just plain don't make any sense! Thank you to: Simone Rodell, Guggie Daly, Tiffany Flax, Susannah Taylor, Kateryn Tan for being my "general public" and reading it and talking with me about it and most especially Leslie Loftis AKA the American Housewife In London whose experience and ability to research I could not do without. This Post would not have made any sense without you all. Thank you.
Onto the Post:
Have you ever noticed how badly everyone wants to belong somewhere?
It starts even before birth. Babies born in different countries sound different when they cry because they spent 9 months inside the womb listening to the accents of those around them and they try to mimic that sound so they fit in.
Then when babies lay in their bouncer or sling or in the arms of their parents they watch facial expressions and they copy these. If you blow raspberries at your baby she/he will often learn to do that pretty quickly too! They repeat words and then phrases, complete with the inflections they have witnessed.
Preschool comes along and the child while on a play date or attending kindergarten will more likely than not see one kid do something and then copy.
School age kids all want to have what the Jones kid has.
High school is full of teens with body piercings, goth clothes, hippy dreadlocks, nerds, geeks and sporty jocks.. why?? They want to belong somewhere. Belonging is part of our Identity. It's so very important. But why do teens do this wanting to belong thing at school? most often because they don't feel they belong where it matters most. At home. Adolescence is physiologically designed for us to find our own path. It's healthy to question and search for something more than the cocoon we have been kept in till this point. But we need to know a place that is safe, that will always be there and can never be taken away.
Children who feel they belong tend to be less likely to conform to any particular "tribe" at school. because they're already part of one. This keeps them safer while out in the big wide world- they won't be as tempted to latch onto anything just because everyone else is doing it.
Pressure to conform feels worse for those who still experience Identity crisis as adults. We join clubs or parenting forums and we let those define us, we live there. Like the Hotel California we may check out any time we like but we may never leave. If we leave then who/what are we.
A great example of getting caught in the culture is Elimination Communication. I say great example because many people seem to drag EC out far longer than necessary. The point of EC is to have a deeper connection with your baby and to help baby do what he cannot yet do for himself. But this ends around 18-20 months, a toddler of this age CAN sit on the potty all by himself when he is needing to go and may only need help with wiping. And possibly a reminder to go before we all get in the car. (this is not saying you should push your child only that you should be consistently moving forward everyone has different expectations of EC but there is also an average for a reason)
Some parents however define themselves by this action "I am an EC parent" so they tend to Identify this as themselves rather than a practice they used to help their baby and they don't want to let it go even if their baby is done because they still need it for their ID.
So how do we avoid this needing to be identified as "something" it's better if we grew up (and better if we can raise our children) knowing that we fitted and belonged in our own families but that isn't always the case or even possible (some mental health issues manifest on their own) If that didn't happen for you the first thing we can do is own ourselves. "I belong to me!" sounds funny at first but it helps. [to thine own self be true. Originally not a hedonist's statement but about having to live with self and consequences.]
Another if you're a Christian could be "I am accepted in Christ's family and am an heir in Christ!"
[requires a set of standards and a membership/adoption in the body of Christ. One of its big strengths is precisely this: one can belong to something anywhere life might take them, helping them resist whatever pressures they find. ] or something similar.. you get it. Pick somewhere to belong that can never be taken away. It has to be intangible because all the physical can be removed. a footballer can have his legs injured, a home school parent will eventually have no kids to school, hair may fall out and old age attacks the body, but we are still ourselves. No one can take us away from that.
Another thing we can do is invent something that we can do everyday that can evolve as you grow and change. It could be as simple as wearing your hair a certain way or painting your fingernails. Or maybe you could keep a journal or practice your throwing arm, make up some little dance moves or some kind of ritual involving kindness to others. Some of the best things we can do when our time doing something comes to an end is to help others with their journey through I'm sure we've all heard "those who can't do- teach, those who can't teach- teach gym"
Today I challenge you. Look at your life and see where you may be sitting stagnant, could this change? are you happy? does it interfere with your life or is it life giving? there are no easy answers, letting go can be difficult but the answers are simple. We don't have to do a lot of soul searching to know if somethings a problem. we only have to admit it and then change it so it's more appropriate in our lives.
Maybe you're a Dad who hurt his knees and can no longer play football- coach the little leagues or even just be their biggest fan, their cheer squad. The person who will make sure they know they belong and are loved even when they lose.
Getting caught in a culture makes it hard to move on. But if we can't move onto the next step or season then it's actually unhealthy. Life makes natural progressions at all stages and if we cannot progress, if we remain stagnant for too long we suffer and eventually may even die having never fulfilled our full potential.
A season or time is just a place on the map of our lives. Not a way to live. Are you ready?
I've had this "thing" in me forever, but it's been kinda hard to get it out in any way that makes real sense, I understand it in my head but then getting it out into a comprehensible and flowing blog post has been really hard. So I've been drafting this one for a while and asking a few very patient and generous people to read my babbling, to add to my thoughts and to tell me when they just plain don't make any sense! Thank you to: Simone Rodell, Guggie Daly, Tiffany Flax, Susannah Taylor, Kateryn Tan for being my "general public" and reading it and talking with me about it and most especially Leslie Loftis AKA the American Housewife In London whose experience and ability to research I could not do without. This Post would not have made any sense without you all. Thank you.
Onto the Post:
Have you ever noticed how badly everyone wants to belong somewhere?
It starts even before birth. Babies born in different countries sound different when they cry because they spent 9 months inside the womb listening to the accents of those around them and they try to mimic that sound so they fit in.
Then when babies lay in their bouncer or sling or in the arms of their parents they watch facial expressions and they copy these. If you blow raspberries at your baby she/he will often learn to do that pretty quickly too! They repeat words and then phrases, complete with the inflections they have witnessed.
Preschool comes along and the child while on a play date or attending kindergarten will more likely than not see one kid do something and then copy.
School age kids all want to have what the Jones kid has.
High school is full of teens with body piercings, goth clothes, hippy dreadlocks, nerds, geeks and sporty jocks.. why?? They want to belong somewhere. Belonging is part of our Identity. It's so very important. But why do teens do this wanting to belong thing at school? most often because they don't feel they belong where it matters most. At home. Adolescence is physiologically designed for us to find our own path. It's healthy to question and search for something more than the cocoon we have been kept in till this point. But we need to know a place that is safe, that will always be there and can never be taken away.
Children who feel they belong tend to be less likely to conform to any particular "tribe" at school. because they're already part of one. This keeps them safer while out in the big wide world- they won't be as tempted to latch onto anything just because everyone else is doing it.
Pressure to conform feels worse for those who still experience Identity crisis as adults. We join clubs or parenting forums and we let those define us, we live there. Like the Hotel California we may check out any time we like but we may never leave. If we leave then who/what are we.
A great example of getting caught in the culture is Elimination Communication. I say great example because many people seem to drag EC out far longer than necessary. The point of EC is to have a deeper connection with your baby and to help baby do what he cannot yet do for himself. But this ends around 18-20 months, a toddler of this age CAN sit on the potty all by himself when he is needing to go and may only need help with wiping. And possibly a reminder to go before we all get in the car. (this is not saying you should push your child only that you should be consistently moving forward everyone has different expectations of EC but there is also an average for a reason)
Some parents however define themselves by this action "I am an EC parent" so they tend to Identify this as themselves rather than a practice they used to help their baby and they don't want to let it go even if their baby is done because they still need it for their ID.
So how do we avoid this needing to be identified as "something" it's better if we grew up (and better if we can raise our children) knowing that we fitted and belonged in our own families but that isn't always the case or even possible (some mental health issues manifest on their own) If that didn't happen for you the first thing we can do is own ourselves. "I belong to me!" sounds funny at first but it helps. [to thine own self be true. Originally not a hedonist's statement but about having to live with self and consequences.]
Another if you're a Christian could be "I am accepted in Christ's family and am an heir in Christ!"
[requires a set of standards and a membership/adoption in the body of Christ. One of its big strengths is precisely this: one can belong to something anywhere life might take them, helping them resist whatever pressures they find. ] or something similar.. you get it. Pick somewhere to belong that can never be taken away. It has to be intangible because all the physical can be removed. a footballer can have his legs injured, a home school parent will eventually have no kids to school, hair may fall out and old age attacks the body, but we are still ourselves. No one can take us away from that.
Another thing we can do is invent something that we can do everyday that can evolve as you grow and change. It could be as simple as wearing your hair a certain way or painting your fingernails. Or maybe you could keep a journal or practice your throwing arm, make up some little dance moves or some kind of ritual involving kindness to others. Some of the best things we can do when our time doing something comes to an end is to help others with their journey through I'm sure we've all heard "those who can't do- teach, those who can't teach- teach gym"
Today I challenge you. Look at your life and see where you may be sitting stagnant, could this change? are you happy? does it interfere with your life or is it life giving? there are no easy answers, letting go can be difficult but the answers are simple. We don't have to do a lot of soul searching to know if somethings a problem. we only have to admit it and then change it so it's more appropriate in our lives.
Maybe you're a Dad who hurt his knees and can no longer play football- coach the little leagues or even just be their biggest fan, their cheer squad. The person who will make sure they know they belong and are loved even when they lose.
Getting caught in a culture makes it hard to move on. But if we can't move onto the next step or season then it's actually unhealthy. Life makes natural progressions at all stages and if we cannot progress, if we remain stagnant for too long we suffer and eventually may even die having never fulfilled our full potential.
A season or time is just a place on the map of our lives. Not a way to live. Are you ready?
Fresh Organic Produce Co-Op!
Necessity has brought about another project for our family- starting a Produce Co-Op.
I'd been reading up for months now on other blogs about all these great groups that get together for Food Co-Ops but here in Regional South Australia where we are do you think I could find one?? NO! is the short answer.
Anyone would think that I'd be able to find some healthy fresh and local food at a reasonable price but after checking Google to try and find a farmers market or a Co-Op I was disheartened to find NOT ONE in our area and none that were regular and less than 100KM from our home- I'd have to drive for an hour to reach any of them and there was no guarantee there would even be produce at the markets I did find.
So.. I have all this land not in use, we need to eat, other people need to eat; Food is getting more expensive and less healthy for us. So I thought.. "How do Co-Ops' start? I know! I'll start my own!"
I have our own personal veggie patch and the past summer it has grown strawberries, broccoli, spinach, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, cauliflower, rosemary and mint. But this meant I was still buying fruit and some veg like carrots. I hadn't wanted too big a patch because I don't like to be wasteful but if others were joining in and we used our home as the growing center it wouldn't really be able to get "too big" if others were interested in participating. So I called my daddy. And we chatted about it- he was in. So I began to prepare a bigger area for a larger patch figuring if others also wanted to join I'd make another plot to compensate but for now it's just our family and my parents though word is getting out and many people have asked about it now.
I got the area clear and Dad and Mum came over and we built a new patch using weed mat as the base and railway sleepers as the sides to keep the soil in. Then I filled the soil with horse manure, peat, coir block and potting mix. This plot is really big. It could easily grow all our produce. And I bought four more chickens since my elderly hens passed away a few months ago, so we will have free range/barn laid (depends on if I'm home- the foxes are rife here) eggs too. I'm also in the market for fruit trees and trying to find a local dairy who may be interested in selling or swapping small quantities of milk.
Edison and Kicky spent much of the day helping to fill the new plot. They have a child sized wheel barrow and they kept filling it and dumping it. They were filthy, exhausted and very pleased with themselves.
So that's what's going on in our lives right now. We are currently looking into canning and preserving so I can ditch the supermarket altogether except for items like toilet paper if possible. Now THAT would be great. but we shall see. even 75% independence from supermarkets is better than what we have now.
So for anyone out there also struggling to find a decent organic/local Co-Op- why not start your own? It isn't that hard to do provided you have a back yard you can do it! Get together with some friends and everyone grow something different then swap your fruit or vegetable for the others! It's a lot of fun once the initial work is complete (I don't even weed my garden beds and have never had a weed thanks to the weed mat) Just water the plants and harvest the crop. Use Google if you don't know where to start and just take it one step at a time. It is absolutely possible.
I'd been reading up for months now on other blogs about all these great groups that get together for Food Co-Ops but here in Regional South Australia where we are do you think I could find one?? NO! is the short answer.
Anyone would think that I'd be able to find some healthy fresh and local food at a reasonable price but after checking Google to try and find a farmers market or a Co-Op I was disheartened to find NOT ONE in our area and none that were regular and less than 100KM from our home- I'd have to drive for an hour to reach any of them and there was no guarantee there would even be produce at the markets I did find.
So.. I have all this land not in use, we need to eat, other people need to eat; Food is getting more expensive and less healthy for us. So I thought.. "How do Co-Ops' start? I know! I'll start my own!"
I have our own personal veggie patch and the past summer it has grown strawberries, broccoli, spinach, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, cauliflower, rosemary and mint. But this meant I was still buying fruit and some veg like carrots. I hadn't wanted too big a patch because I don't like to be wasteful but if others were joining in and we used our home as the growing center it wouldn't really be able to get "too big" if others were interested in participating. So I called my daddy. And we chatted about it- he was in. So I began to prepare a bigger area for a larger patch figuring if others also wanted to join I'd make another plot to compensate but for now it's just our family and my parents though word is getting out and many people have asked about it now.
I got the area clear and Dad and Mum came over and we built a new patch using weed mat as the base and railway sleepers as the sides to keep the soil in. Then I filled the soil with horse manure, peat, coir block and potting mix. This plot is really big. It could easily grow all our produce. And I bought four more chickens since my elderly hens passed away a few months ago, so we will have free range/barn laid (depends on if I'm home- the foxes are rife here) eggs too. I'm also in the market for fruit trees and trying to find a local dairy who may be interested in selling or swapping small quantities of milk.
Edison and Kicky spent much of the day helping to fill the new plot. They have a child sized wheel barrow and they kept filling it and dumping it. They were filthy, exhausted and very pleased with themselves.
So that's what's going on in our lives right now. We are currently looking into canning and preserving so I can ditch the supermarket altogether except for items like toilet paper if possible. Now THAT would be great. but we shall see. even 75% independence from supermarkets is better than what we have now.
So for anyone out there also struggling to find a decent organic/local Co-Op- why not start your own? It isn't that hard to do provided you have a back yard you can do it! Get together with some friends and everyone grow something different then swap your fruit or vegetable for the others! It's a lot of fun once the initial work is complete (I don't even weed my garden beds and have never had a weed thanks to the weed mat) Just water the plants and harvest the crop. Use Google if you don't know where to start and just take it one step at a time. It is absolutely possible.
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