There's an old saying that "no one listens to a well oiled door" and it's true we tend not to notice the good things until they are no longer good and they have turned into a "squeaky door" so it is often times with parenting.
So this is a story about me, my eldest son, our dog and listening to the proverbial door.
Edison is normally a very well behaved, mellow fellow. He dislikes all conflict and is happy to just go with the flow. So you can imagine my surprise when he started to be rough with our old dog Odie, taking every opportunity to make the dog yelp. He was doing it up to 50 times a day and it went on for weeks and weeks.
It got so bad that I considered giving the dog away for his safety- but that wouldn't fix the problem. Eddie would still do it- just to another dog.. one that might not be as even tempered and gentle, leading to getting bitten or at the very least making me very unpopular with the said dogs owner.
I'd powered up on him in the usual gentle parenting ways. Calmly (didn't feel calm) and gently (wanted to snap him in half) and told him he had to apologize, gave him time-ins, gave his toys time-outs and counting to myself to avoid screaming at him when he did it again. immediately.
A little bit of a "flash back" is that we are trying to refinance our home, as a result I've been quite busy and stressed out not to mention exhausted and it has made me even more irritated that I had to stop what I was doing to rescue the dog from the "mean little boy" my son had mysteriously turned into.
It came to a head yesterday when he picked Odie up by the tail. I moved like lightening and got the dog off of him but when the doggie was still crying after being put down I felt rage, pure unadulterated rage. And I grabbed his hand and slapped it, and yelled "DON'T YOU HURT THE DOG ANYMORE YOU MEAN LITTLE SHIT!!" I am not proud of that and I'd rather I didn't have to say it but it happened and I won't lie about it.
The slap had not been very hard, it hadn't even stung my fingers or left a mark on Edison's hand. But he looked up at me like I'd told him I was leaving and no one loved him.
He sat down and started to cry then rose up and began punching Kicky who had innocently walked by; oblivious to what had happened to his brother.
I rescued the now screaming one year old and I went to my room and had a scream myself. I didn't do too well and the slap on the hand had only made things worse, Edison was now being openly aggressive and for more than two hours he continued his trail of destruction regardless of my talking to him or trying anything at all.
I retreated to my bedroom unable to quell his rebellion without beating him to a pulp I had to sit and do a rewind. I called my mum and chatted with her for a bit. New to this way of parenting herself she was supportive and nonjudgmental about the smack and reminded me that I was smacked and I forgave her. Edison would too.
Going over everything that was happening I realized that each time he'd done something I'd been ignoring him, not intentionally, just intent on my own projects and schedules and so if he wasn't making noise then I wasn't paying attention.
Then it all clicked, the dog was a bell, he was hurting the dog because as soon as I heard that animal yelp I was right there, immediately and I was giving him attention. It was negative attention but it was ATTENTION. And I knew what to do.
The answer was a double edged sword. When next he hurt Odie or Kicky I said firmly and quickly "oh we don't hurt others!" without even looking at him. no eye contact. and I picked up the dog or the baby and I went and did something irresistibly fun with the offended party. this way he got NO ATTENTION for the poor behavior. So it was no longer useful and he left the dog alone.
The other part though is more important: I listened to the well oiled door. Watching carefully I acknowledged and approved of everything Edison did that was good. Now I know that AP warns against praising children but really they're talking about "over-praising" remember one of the Baby B's is BALANCE. I didn't jump up and down and clap but I did say "look how nice you are to Odie/Kicky" or "wow that's a great picture, good job"
And I made sure that I listened to his stories without glancing at the clock or belittling his successes or failures. I brought him closer than close and kept him there.
It took less than a day and he was having a better time and so was I. Bedtime was a struggle as it has been for a few weeks now as their body clocks are all out of whack and Edison is now an expert at bringing me back with excuses. I have to work on that because I did get impatient and angry when he continued to do it and eventually recognized that if I went back then he would keep doing it so instead I ended up ignoring his little stunts completely and surprise surprise he was asleep a little while later.
So there you have it. Listening to the well oiled door.
Friday, 14 February 2014
Sunday, 9 February 2014
Paranoia sweeping Australia against non-vaxers
Right now it would seem that every second news article I read involves our *cough cough* beloved Prime Minister or one of his cohorts spewing venom against those who choose not to immunize their children and how they want to cut their family tax benefits and child care rebates and parenting payments.
Scarier than the articles are the comments left. The gloves are off on both sides. Most people of course are for vaccination. It isn't perfect but it's the best we've got is their reasoning and they cannot fathom people who choose not to participate in this apparently life saving initiative.
Among non-vaxers conspiracies run rife and fun is made of those who believe them while others are worried about allergic reactions and permanent disability.
The pro-vaxers fear that the non vaccinated children will some how make their vaccinated children sick. they argue herd immunity for the sake of the immune compromised, neonates and elderly.
But how many of these fears are actually fact? well lets look at the facts:
according to Mr Abbott in his article in the daily telegraph there are around 80,000 unvaccinated children in Australia and roughly half are conscientious objectors: Out of everyone in Australia only 80,000 aren't vaccinated. so what does this mean?? well next lets just check out how many people overall there are in Australia. Google tells me 22.68 million (2012)
So lets do the MATHS (80, 000/ 22.68 million)* 100= 0.35273368606
0.35273368606% of Australians are not vaccinated. LESS than ONE PERCENT!
There aren't even enough non-vaxers to have ONE family for every town and city in the country!
Still think the non-vaxers are a problem??
There is a different reason that the government wants to bring this up all the time, it has nothing to do with money or even public health. It serves as a way to "unite" the people in a common goal and distract them from the real problems: health crisis because of immigration (opening our borders brings in more diseases), tense relations with our neighboring countries, the fact that education, whales and the environment seem to have been forgotten while BILLIONS are being handed to primary producers and miners (C'mon Gina Rhine hart totally needs help affording her new machinery).
And you can say goodbye to: pay rise to the aged care workers, pay rise to the child care workers, broadband, marriage equality, school kids bonus, Education reform, Holden, Fair Trade, Renewable energy that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, Fair treatment for refugees, Fair work act and the ABC television network who had the guts to call him out. Oh ho yes he's done such a wonderful job he's targets those who can't defend themselves, gets rid of them or forces their hand and sends a very loud message of mess with him and the same will happen to you.
Anti-Vaxers having their choices taken away is only a tiny part of his dictative streak but it's none the less a message- you're not really free, I can MAKE you do whatever I say because if you do not then I will simply take away your livelihood and make you pay for it til you've been bled dry.
Cutting out care for 0.35273368606% of Australians isn't going to help the country economically or health wise, it is simply a ploy; a misdirection of Freudian proportions so we are looking the wrong way while they screw us over. Why does this tactic work? they've hit us below the belt. We ALL love our children and want them to be safe. suggesting that a minority is to blame is a really effective and quick way to accomplish a rallying of the troops. Mob mentality kicks in and all bets are off.
REALITY: There's no epidemic of non vaxers. there isn't even enough of them to noticeably impact the death rate even if everyone of them caught something horrible and died from it.
Please leave them alone Mr Abbott, they aren't the problem. Have the balls to look us in the face when you break your promises and try to make it someone elses fault. Didn't Hitler do something similar with the Jews, gays and disabled??
Watch out Australia this is Dangerous, he's about to blow our country sky high and we won't even see it until it's too late.
Disclaimer: I am neither pro- VAX nor Anti-VAX. I feel people will almost always do whatever they choose because they believe it is in their childs best interest. Do whatever you want regarding vaccination, I refuse to enter that debate in itself rather this article is to point out that people are "barking up the wrong tree" in regards to non vaccinating families and need to take a step back and look at the figures again.
here's the daily telegraph link:
Scarier than the articles are the comments left. The gloves are off on both sides. Most people of course are for vaccination. It isn't perfect but it's the best we've got is their reasoning and they cannot fathom people who choose not to participate in this apparently life saving initiative.
Among non-vaxers conspiracies run rife and fun is made of those who believe them while others are worried about allergic reactions and permanent disability.
The pro-vaxers fear that the non vaccinated children will some how make their vaccinated children sick. they argue herd immunity for the sake of the immune compromised, neonates and elderly.
But how many of these fears are actually fact? well lets look at the facts:
according to Mr Abbott in his article in the daily telegraph there are around 80,000 unvaccinated children in Australia and roughly half are conscientious objectors: Out of everyone in Australia only 80,000 aren't vaccinated. so what does this mean?? well next lets just check out how many people overall there are in Australia. Google tells me 22.68 million (2012)
So lets do the MATHS (80, 000/ 22.68 million)* 100= 0.35273368606
0.35273368606% of Australians are not vaccinated. LESS than ONE PERCENT!
There aren't even enough non-vaxers to have ONE family for every town and city in the country!
Still think the non-vaxers are a problem??
There is a different reason that the government wants to bring this up all the time, it has nothing to do with money or even public health. It serves as a way to "unite" the people in a common goal and distract them from the real problems: health crisis because of immigration (opening our borders brings in more diseases), tense relations with our neighboring countries, the fact that education, whales and the environment seem to have been forgotten while BILLIONS are being handed to primary producers and miners (C'mon Gina Rhine hart totally needs help affording her new machinery).
And you can say goodbye to: pay rise to the aged care workers, pay rise to the child care workers, broadband, marriage equality, school kids bonus, Education reform, Holden, Fair Trade, Renewable energy that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, Fair treatment for refugees, Fair work act and the ABC television network who had the guts to call him out. Oh ho yes he's done such a wonderful job he's targets those who can't defend themselves, gets rid of them or forces their hand and sends a very loud message of mess with him and the same will happen to you.
Anti-Vaxers having their choices taken away is only a tiny part of his dictative streak but it's none the less a message- you're not really free, I can MAKE you do whatever I say because if you do not then I will simply take away your livelihood and make you pay for it til you've been bled dry.
Cutting out care for 0.35273368606% of Australians isn't going to help the country economically or health wise, it is simply a ploy; a misdirection of Freudian proportions so we are looking the wrong way while they screw us over. Why does this tactic work? they've hit us below the belt. We ALL love our children and want them to be safe. suggesting that a minority is to blame is a really effective and quick way to accomplish a rallying of the troops. Mob mentality kicks in and all bets are off.
REALITY: There's no epidemic of non vaxers. there isn't even enough of them to noticeably impact the death rate even if everyone of them caught something horrible and died from it.
Please leave them alone Mr Abbott, they aren't the problem. Have the balls to look us in the face when you break your promises and try to make it someone elses fault. Didn't Hitler do something similar with the Jews, gays and disabled??
Watch out Australia this is Dangerous, he's about to blow our country sky high and we won't even see it until it's too late.
Disclaimer: I am neither pro- VAX nor Anti-VAX. I feel people will almost always do whatever they choose because they believe it is in their childs best interest. Do whatever you want regarding vaccination, I refuse to enter that debate in itself rather this article is to point out that people are "barking up the wrong tree" in regards to non vaccinating families and need to take a step back and look at the figures again.
here's the daily telegraph link:
http://m.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/nsw/parents-who-refuse-to-vaccinate-their-children-may-lose-their-family-benefits-payments-or-child-care-rebates/story-fni0cx12-1226814870963
Friday, 7 February 2014
The Parental Paralysis Epidemic
Every single parent sometimes questions their decisions in life. Especially the decisions that involve their children. But what I've noticed is this "second guessing" is wildly contagious. And it is utterly crippling for those afflicted.
A parent makes a decision to potty train earlier than recommended or maybe practice Elimination Communication, mentions it on social media: cue a flood of well meaning but paranoid individuals commenting in concern for the emotional well being if the child. Perhaps co-sleeping isn't working out for them anymore and they choose to put their child in a bed or crib? maybe simply choosing to use a pacifier or using a plastic bottle instead of a glass bottle has brought about this onslaught of unsolicited advice from many.
I've noticed is that it happens mostly in the Attachment Parenting circles, I've really noticed it- attachment parents are really great in so many ways but they can also be the biggest judgmental busy bodies. They even attack each other if they're not entirely the same! Which was why I ditched it and simply decided to raise my kids as gently and conscientiously as possible without labels.
Why does this not happen as much in other parenting styles? easy- they're all doing their own thing and not worrying/caring about anyone else. This is the other side of the coin- there's always two sides isn't there?
Having a sense of community is really important too. Sometimes it's the difference between a life long mistake and if someone knows they are right beyond a doubt and that fact is critical then in those situations no message is too strong but really- if a woman finds breastfeeding extremely unpleasant- it's her body and her baby and if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy- better to have a happy relaxed bottle feeding mama than a miserable tense and possibly depressed mama. She could even use donor milk if someone stopped judging her for a moment and offered her theirs..
What about correcting a child, or getting them to help around the house or rectify a mistake they made?
I see it every time I log into social media. A kid will have done something or is having a problem and someone (often me) will make a suggestion that involves the child helping to make things right/ be part of the solution.. and no sooner has the suggester hit the enter button than some wilting violet will chime in and say "I'd be reluctant to do that in case they thought I was punishing/shaming them!!" and I think to myself *head desk*
YES! YES! IF I was saying stand over them and growl and have a face that looked like thunder then YES it WOULD make them feel like I was punishing and shaming them but THAT is NOT what has been suggested!!
Not only is this person obviously too afraid of screwing their kid up to ask them to help make things right (which by the way is the only way I know of to get them to realize their mistake without punishing them or making them feel bad) but they then PUSH that fear onto other parents!
The parents who receive this fear then are too afraid to make a decision and while opting not to do anything IS VALID and sometimes crucial (toddler wet their pants for example) it is also OKAY to ask that toddler "oh dear, never mind sweetheart please go and put those wet pants in the wash and get me another pair so I can help you put them back on while I clean the floor" see the difference? low key, nothing to forgive.. just matter of fact gentle and seamless parenting.
Also the other rather major problem to never getting your kids to do anything is pretty obvious- an entitled, selfish individual who even if they wanted to doesn't know how to take care of themselves as an adult, nor can they take responsibility for their actions or correct their mistakes.. why? because they never learned when it was safe to do so. Once an adult it's hard to learn this because no one realizes your only learning they expect you to already know which creates an infantile adult who is also probably deeply unhappy because they think no one likes them because everyone is annoyed with them all the time.
It is NOT our job to "toughen them up to survive in a cruel world" but it IS our job to teach them how to survive in the real world and how to be strong, self determining, responsible active participants in their world.
And it can only be done by letting them experience LIFE and LEARNING from their mistakes. Correcting or teaching a child can be done without scarring them. It's all in How it is done, in the tone of you the parents voice, in the look on your face, in your soft, open hands and your smile, your willing to help them make things right and when things are finished praising them for making it all better- children LOVE to be the solution! They are then the HERO.
There's no need for this parental paralysis, your child isn't going to read between the lines if your gentle with them, they're intelligent not neurotic. give them some credit. and perhaps even more importantly give YOURSELF some credit.
A parent makes a decision to potty train earlier than recommended or maybe practice Elimination Communication, mentions it on social media: cue a flood of well meaning but paranoid individuals commenting in concern for the emotional well being if the child. Perhaps co-sleeping isn't working out for them anymore and they choose to put their child in a bed or crib? maybe simply choosing to use a pacifier or using a plastic bottle instead of a glass bottle has brought about this onslaught of unsolicited advice from many.
I've noticed is that it happens mostly in the Attachment Parenting circles, I've really noticed it- attachment parents are really great in so many ways but they can also be the biggest judgmental busy bodies. They even attack each other if they're not entirely the same! Which was why I ditched it and simply decided to raise my kids as gently and conscientiously as possible without labels.
Why does this not happen as much in other parenting styles? easy- they're all doing their own thing and not worrying/caring about anyone else. This is the other side of the coin- there's always two sides isn't there?
Having a sense of community is really important too. Sometimes it's the difference between a life long mistake and if someone knows they are right beyond a doubt and that fact is critical then in those situations no message is too strong but really- if a woman finds breastfeeding extremely unpleasant- it's her body and her baby and if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy- better to have a happy relaxed bottle feeding mama than a miserable tense and possibly depressed mama. She could even use donor milk if someone stopped judging her for a moment and offered her theirs..
What about correcting a child, or getting them to help around the house or rectify a mistake they made?
I see it every time I log into social media. A kid will have done something or is having a problem and someone (often me) will make a suggestion that involves the child helping to make things right/ be part of the solution.. and no sooner has the suggester hit the enter button than some wilting violet will chime in and say "I'd be reluctant to do that in case they thought I was punishing/shaming them!!" and I think to myself *head desk*
YES! YES! IF I was saying stand over them and growl and have a face that looked like thunder then YES it WOULD make them feel like I was punishing and shaming them but THAT is NOT what has been suggested!!
Not only is this person obviously too afraid of screwing their kid up to ask them to help make things right (which by the way is the only way I know of to get them to realize their mistake without punishing them or making them feel bad) but they then PUSH that fear onto other parents!
The parents who receive this fear then are too afraid to make a decision and while opting not to do anything IS VALID and sometimes crucial (toddler wet their pants for example) it is also OKAY to ask that toddler "oh dear, never mind sweetheart please go and put those wet pants in the wash and get me another pair so I can help you put them back on while I clean the floor" see the difference? low key, nothing to forgive.. just matter of fact gentle and seamless parenting.
Also the other rather major problem to never getting your kids to do anything is pretty obvious- an entitled, selfish individual who even if they wanted to doesn't know how to take care of themselves as an adult, nor can they take responsibility for their actions or correct their mistakes.. why? because they never learned when it was safe to do so. Once an adult it's hard to learn this because no one realizes your only learning they expect you to already know which creates an infantile adult who is also probably deeply unhappy because they think no one likes them because everyone is annoyed with them all the time.
It is NOT our job to "toughen them up to survive in a cruel world" but it IS our job to teach them how to survive in the real world and how to be strong, self determining, responsible active participants in their world.
And it can only be done by letting them experience LIFE and LEARNING from their mistakes. Correcting or teaching a child can be done without scarring them. It's all in How it is done, in the tone of you the parents voice, in the look on your face, in your soft, open hands and your smile, your willing to help them make things right and when things are finished praising them for making it all better- children LOVE to be the solution! They are then the HERO.
There's no need for this parental paralysis, your child isn't going to read between the lines if your gentle with them, they're intelligent not neurotic. give them some credit. and perhaps even more importantly give YOURSELF some credit.
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Edison Gets A Job.
So this has been going on for a while now and so I no longer think it's a one off. So I thought I'd post about it. Like all good stories I'll start at the beginning.
I'd recently been telling Edison about recycling and how we should do it to help the environment and what could go in our recycle bin and what items were trash. Because putting the recycling into the recycle bin was one of his few "chores" as i'm not worried about him hurting himself doing this vs maybe drying glass dishes. So he was getting a bit of an education about this subject every day.
As part of my weight loss program I started walking every morning to the supermarket or green grocers for our morning fruit. The walk is long and about half way from our house there is a bottle depot.
On our second day walking to the supermarket a car drove past us and the filthy driver threw a PET bottle our the window. Disgusted Edison went and picked it up straight away and went to put the bottle in a near by recycling bin. I stopped him and said "hang on, you can get some money for that!" he was confused but put the bottle in our backpack for the way home.
We got our fruit and on our way back- the bottle depot opened it's gates. And I told him "in there, take the bottle to the man." and we walked the driveway and arrived at the warehouse. Timidly Edison held up the bottle and the older man smiled and showed him where the bottle would be put- with lots of other bottles! and also other bins with milk cartons and glass bottles and aluminum cans and then lastly he took Edison to the check out and gave him 10 cents for his bottle. "some money for recycling your bottle" the man said to Edison.
He beamed and ran back to me (I waited at the door watching I didn't want to cramp his style) and told me "I got money just like daddy, I have a job!" after that day he was slightly obsessive, picking up bottles and cans wherever he saw one. the first week he was desperate to immediately cash anything he found and we did- 10 cents felt like a fortune to my dear 3.5 year old.
We started taking a bag with us on our walks. Edison found those bottles and cans like he was some kind of bottle finding truffle hound. We started going to the depot just once a week and now he was pulling anywhere from $3:00-$8:00 a week.
He takes his "job" so very seriously and it's so cute to see him march up to the attendant with his bag full of bottles. He takes pride in watching and helping them count his findings and he keeps his earnings in a little glass jar and when it's full we take it to get exchanged into notes at the bank.
Some people may disagree with my letting my toddler earn money this way but come no.. how will teaching him that he is worth being paid for the work he does, fostering a work ethic into my son possibly harm him? And how many people can say that they've worked since they were 3 years old doing a job they enjoy? Not many I bet.
I'd recently been telling Edison about recycling and how we should do it to help the environment and what could go in our recycle bin and what items were trash. Because putting the recycling into the recycle bin was one of his few "chores" as i'm not worried about him hurting himself doing this vs maybe drying glass dishes. So he was getting a bit of an education about this subject every day.
As part of my weight loss program I started walking every morning to the supermarket or green grocers for our morning fruit. The walk is long and about half way from our house there is a bottle depot.
On our second day walking to the supermarket a car drove past us and the filthy driver threw a PET bottle our the window. Disgusted Edison went and picked it up straight away and went to put the bottle in a near by recycling bin. I stopped him and said "hang on, you can get some money for that!" he was confused but put the bottle in our backpack for the way home.
We got our fruit and on our way back- the bottle depot opened it's gates. And I told him "in there, take the bottle to the man." and we walked the driveway and arrived at the warehouse. Timidly Edison held up the bottle and the older man smiled and showed him where the bottle would be put- with lots of other bottles! and also other bins with milk cartons and glass bottles and aluminum cans and then lastly he took Edison to the check out and gave him 10 cents for his bottle. "some money for recycling your bottle" the man said to Edison.
He beamed and ran back to me (I waited at the door watching I didn't want to cramp his style) and told me "I got money just like daddy, I have a job!" after that day he was slightly obsessive, picking up bottles and cans wherever he saw one. the first week he was desperate to immediately cash anything he found and we did- 10 cents felt like a fortune to my dear 3.5 year old.
We started taking a bag with us on our walks. Edison found those bottles and cans like he was some kind of bottle finding truffle hound. We started going to the depot just once a week and now he was pulling anywhere from $3:00-$8:00 a week.
He takes his "job" so very seriously and it's so cute to see him march up to the attendant with his bag full of bottles. He takes pride in watching and helping them count his findings and he keeps his earnings in a little glass jar and when it's full we take it to get exchanged into notes at the bank.
Some people may disagree with my letting my toddler earn money this way but come no.. how will teaching him that he is worth being paid for the work he does, fostering a work ethic into my son possibly harm him? And how many people can say that they've worked since they were 3 years old doing a job they enjoy? Not many I bet.
Sunday, 26 January 2014
A progress report.
Since really beginning my journey into gentle parenting there have been struggles, triumphs, good days, bad days and just.. in-between days..
Today (and the previous three days) has been a really good example for watching how gentle parenting works. OH MY! where to start.. the beginning I guess..
It was early Wednesday morning and by early I mean 2AM. Edison came to our room and said he had a bad dream and there were monsters going to get mummy. We let him in and gave him lots of reassurance and I tried to go back to sleep. But now Edisons movements had disturbed Kicky; which was bad because he decided he was UP! and no amount of nursing and cuddling convinced him it was still dark and time for sleep. So at about 3:30AM after failing repeatedly and disturbing everyone in the process I got up with Kick. He was very actively playing and eating until about 5:45AM when he nursed to sleep.
I tried to go back to bed but MC had to go to work so instead the added movement and noise provoked Edison and then HE was up and wanted breakfast and attention and to play with mama.
I felt grumpy, tired and pretty desperate to go back to bed but he wouldn't have any of it. So I had to look beyond myself. And I extended myself lovingly and we watered our garden, made the mid morning snack ready for later so we would just have to pull it out of the fridge and we played with Edison's toys. And I found myself really just enjoying being with him. It didn't matter anymore that I had been up far too early already.
Kicky woke around 7:45 and was pretty fragile at first and needed me to hold and reassure him for the better part of an hour. So abandoning the house work we cuddled together on the sofa and read books. Edison is getting really good now at recognizing words, despite never being drilled over his letters or reading. We read until it was time to go for our walk and then I put on our baby carrier and we made our way out the door. As we had already made a mid morning snack we didn't need any fruit that day so instead we pretended to be trains on a small segment of old train tracks that haven't been used in decades.
That first day of extension continued much in that fashion, the boys needed something and I met that need. They both slept during the day at some point but not together so I was disappointed that I couldn't nap too but instead of growling about it I focused on enjoying the time as one on one with the awake child..
And when they finally went down and I could sleep I went to bed straight away too- Only to be woken at around 3:30 and start my day like the first again. The day played out much like the previous except I also did all the catch up house work and we walked to the supermarket. and the next day was the same.
But I noticed something different each time this happened and I resisted getting angry about it- I found myself extending without thinking about it, like this was a muscle I was just learning to use. I was more sleep deprived and tired than the time before each time they did this but it was easier for me to not be upset about it. And I enjoyed my early morning with the awake baby and then put him back to bed only to be joined by my 3 and a half year old and it was easy to be with him.
Then Today happened, same as the other days I was up well before the sun and then baby went back to bed. I watched the sun rise with Edison, the golden range light shining on his reddish hair and we fed all our pets. I played make believe and he told me stories and we cooked everyone breakfast as they joined us and something had changed again- I was happy to be up I couldn't have imagined still being asleep and missing out on this time of the day.
We (MC. the boys and myself) went on an hour long drive to Port Adelaide to enjoy a Dolphin tour. Kicky was easy going and happy to look around but Edison was so excited that he imploded and wanted nothing more than to climb all over the outside of the boat or to jump overboard and go swimming! MC had him at that point and was feeling quite overwhelmed because Edison decided to start screaming randomly and trying to get away. Which was against the rules- all children had to be right next to an adult at all times. 15 minutes in and we swapped kids.
I then spent the cruise down the harbor alternating between distracting Edison or reassuring him as he screamed in my arms because he wanted to do something dangerous. At the furthest point down the river, right before the boat turned around I was at the front lowest deck with lots of people watching me. It didn't matter, I wasn't flustered or angry. I had never felt so calm in a situation like this before, I felt no pressure to "shut him up" or to "smack him one" though a couple people gave me glances that very much mirrored this and they watched to see what I would do. One grandmother had said "I don't judge people who smack their kids or who don't like maybe I needed permission to do it and so I told her simply there was no need and that spanking didn't work for my child. And she said "it's all well and good to say smacking is wrong but what the heck do we do if we can't smack to get the behavior to stop!? I looked into her face as kindly as I could and said "bring them closer than close, we reconnect, then we communicate what the problem is, cooperate if possible to resolve the problem or I hold them and reassure them until they let out all their frustration that sometimes we just can't have what we want. By now I had more than a dozen eyes on me, overhearing it seemed despite the loud noise making three year old. The expression was "yeah right" the next bit happened quickly and lasted about 4 minutes in total:
Knowing they were watching didn't phase me. I just kept affirming Edison. He screamed: "I'm here" I responded, he growled and tried to get away "It's okay you can be angry about this, later I will let you climb something that is safe" he screamed again I responded "I love you, even when you're unlovable" he turned in and cried for a few minutes. I held him, was present and reassuring that I would always choose him, no matter what he was doing. His tears eventually stopped. And we saw some dolphins lazily swimming slowly in the water and went back to where MC was struggling to keep kicky entertained. We sat together and enjoyed the last of the tour, I got an ice block for both children and didn't worry about the previous behavior. It was over. The past. I wasn't going to keep a record of wrongs and say "this is because you asked so nicely" or something similar, I've never been one to use food for reward or punishment. I just got it because he asked and I could afford one.
The tour ended. We had a good time. And we had also shown other people it was possible to get desired behavior without bribing and without punishing. By the time we left the eyes that had watched me on the lower deck were on our family again as we stepped ashore, they weren't judging eyes. They were inspired. And I was quiet inside, no storm brewing, just contemplative. We went to visit MC's mother and brothers stayed a while and went home. And not once did I feel angry with my children. I felt free.
Today (and the previous three days) has been a really good example for watching how gentle parenting works. OH MY! where to start.. the beginning I guess..
It was early Wednesday morning and by early I mean 2AM. Edison came to our room and said he had a bad dream and there were monsters going to get mummy. We let him in and gave him lots of reassurance and I tried to go back to sleep. But now Edisons movements had disturbed Kicky; which was bad because he decided he was UP! and no amount of nursing and cuddling convinced him it was still dark and time for sleep. So at about 3:30AM after failing repeatedly and disturbing everyone in the process I got up with Kick. He was very actively playing and eating until about 5:45AM when he nursed to sleep.
I tried to go back to bed but MC had to go to work so instead the added movement and noise provoked Edison and then HE was up and wanted breakfast and attention and to play with mama.
I felt grumpy, tired and pretty desperate to go back to bed but he wouldn't have any of it. So I had to look beyond myself. And I extended myself lovingly and we watered our garden, made the mid morning snack ready for later so we would just have to pull it out of the fridge and we played with Edison's toys. And I found myself really just enjoying being with him. It didn't matter anymore that I had been up far too early already.
Kicky woke around 7:45 and was pretty fragile at first and needed me to hold and reassure him for the better part of an hour. So abandoning the house work we cuddled together on the sofa and read books. Edison is getting really good now at recognizing words, despite never being drilled over his letters or reading. We read until it was time to go for our walk and then I put on our baby carrier and we made our way out the door. As we had already made a mid morning snack we didn't need any fruit that day so instead we pretended to be trains on a small segment of old train tracks that haven't been used in decades.
That first day of extension continued much in that fashion, the boys needed something and I met that need. They both slept during the day at some point but not together so I was disappointed that I couldn't nap too but instead of growling about it I focused on enjoying the time as one on one with the awake child..
And when they finally went down and I could sleep I went to bed straight away too- Only to be woken at around 3:30 and start my day like the first again. The day played out much like the previous except I also did all the catch up house work and we walked to the supermarket. and the next day was the same.
But I noticed something different each time this happened and I resisted getting angry about it- I found myself extending without thinking about it, like this was a muscle I was just learning to use. I was more sleep deprived and tired than the time before each time they did this but it was easier for me to not be upset about it. And I enjoyed my early morning with the awake baby and then put him back to bed only to be joined by my 3 and a half year old and it was easy to be with him.
Then Today happened, same as the other days I was up well before the sun and then baby went back to bed. I watched the sun rise with Edison, the golden range light shining on his reddish hair and we fed all our pets. I played make believe and he told me stories and we cooked everyone breakfast as they joined us and something had changed again- I was happy to be up I couldn't have imagined still being asleep and missing out on this time of the day.
We (MC. the boys and myself) went on an hour long drive to Port Adelaide to enjoy a Dolphin tour. Kicky was easy going and happy to look around but Edison was so excited that he imploded and wanted nothing more than to climb all over the outside of the boat or to jump overboard and go swimming! MC had him at that point and was feeling quite overwhelmed because Edison decided to start screaming randomly and trying to get away. Which was against the rules- all children had to be right next to an adult at all times. 15 minutes in and we swapped kids.
I then spent the cruise down the harbor alternating between distracting Edison or reassuring him as he screamed in my arms because he wanted to do something dangerous. At the furthest point down the river, right before the boat turned around I was at the front lowest deck with lots of people watching me. It didn't matter, I wasn't flustered or angry. I had never felt so calm in a situation like this before, I felt no pressure to "shut him up" or to "smack him one" though a couple people gave me glances that very much mirrored this and they watched to see what I would do. One grandmother had said "I don't judge people who smack their kids or who don't like maybe I needed permission to do it and so I told her simply there was no need and that spanking didn't work for my child. And she said "it's all well and good to say smacking is wrong but what the heck do we do if we can't smack to get the behavior to stop!? I looked into her face as kindly as I could and said "bring them closer than close, we reconnect, then we communicate what the problem is, cooperate if possible to resolve the problem or I hold them and reassure them until they let out all their frustration that sometimes we just can't have what we want. By now I had more than a dozen eyes on me, overhearing it seemed despite the loud noise making three year old. The expression was "yeah right" the next bit happened quickly and lasted about 4 minutes in total:
Knowing they were watching didn't phase me. I just kept affirming Edison. He screamed: "I'm here" I responded, he growled and tried to get away "It's okay you can be angry about this, later I will let you climb something that is safe" he screamed again I responded "I love you, even when you're unlovable" he turned in and cried for a few minutes. I held him, was present and reassuring that I would always choose him, no matter what he was doing. His tears eventually stopped. And we saw some dolphins lazily swimming slowly in the water and went back to where MC was struggling to keep kicky entertained. We sat together and enjoyed the last of the tour, I got an ice block for both children and didn't worry about the previous behavior. It was over. The past. I wasn't going to keep a record of wrongs and say "this is because you asked so nicely" or something similar, I've never been one to use food for reward or punishment. I just got it because he asked and I could afford one.
The tour ended. We had a good time. And we had also shown other people it was possible to get desired behavior without bribing and without punishing. By the time we left the eyes that had watched me on the lower deck were on our family again as we stepped ashore, they weren't judging eyes. They were inspired. And I was quiet inside, no storm brewing, just contemplative. We went to visit MC's mother and brothers stayed a while and went home. And not once did I feel angry with my children. I felt free.
Thursday, 23 January 2014
A review of my Modern Cloth Nappy experience
Now that I am (at least for now) done with nappies with the exception of night-time I think it's time I gave my honest opinion about my (ridiculously large) cloth stash. My stash consisted of:
24 Cushie Tushies + 4 night boosters
8 Medium Pea Pods -with night boosters
8 Small Pea Pods - with night boosters
12 Terry Flats + 3 K-mart covers in each size from 000-1
6 Bambino Mio Prefolds + 1 large (9kg+) Mio Soft cover
8 "knock off" nappies from E bay that are like Bum Genius with microfiber inserts
4 "knock off" nappies from E bay that are like Cushie Tushies
7 Home sewn Pocket nappies+ micro fiber towel inserts from cheap as chips
1 home sewn "Flip cover"
10 Fluffies fitted cotton nappies (3-11kg)
4 Fluffies fitted terry cotton nappies (3-11kg)
2 Fluffies fitted terry cotton nappies (12-17kg)
1 wool cover
See what I mean by "ridiculous?" there was no way I was ever going to run out.
Okay so now what did I think of what??
CUSHIE TUSHIES:
these were the 3rd brand I bought, When Edison was about 3 weeks old. Couture were $35 a piece and came with a large snap in booster and a mini booster, Basix $27 a piece and just came with the single large snap in booster. Night boosters are sold separately.
THE PRO'S- beautiful prints, these were by far our prettiest nappies. They also are a truely one size nappy because the front folds down and the wings feature cross over snaps that make even teeny tiny newborns can wear them (though they are bulky the bulk is on top rather than between the legs so it isn't bad for their hips) and they won't leak out the legs. They are also customizable by adding or subtracting boosters and can usually last well overnight.
THE CONS- being an AIO design the shell had absorbency sewn into it. This made the Cushie Tushies take DAYS to dry in the winter unless they were put in the dryer it was nigh impossible to get them dry. Other than that the performance was great except for this last bit:
I have to say for performance its a C grade and here's why- My stash is all relatively the same age and at 3.5 years old and in rotation within such a large stash.. The PUL in the Cushie Tushies has cracked on 17 out of 24. that means only 7 of them aren't leaking.
They are the ONLY nappies in my stash that have delaminated and started to leak when Kicky was around 15 months old- and they're also the most expensive and were cared for the most carefully.
To be fair Cushie Tushies no longer sell these AIO nappies they have replaced the Couture and Basix range with a hybrid AI2 range of Chameleons, Tadpoles and Minis. I have no experience with these though I certainly hope they are more durable than the ones I had.
PEA PODS:
These nappies were $17 a piece pocket nappies with bamboo inserts that folded up and a small wet bag to hold the nappy once soiled. Night boosters were sold separately at $5 a piece.
THE PRO'S: As sized nappies these really did have a great non-bulky fit, they came in either neutral pastel colours or LOUD happy colours. But no prints at the time just solid colours. They never, ever leaked and were super thirsty with a stay dry feel. I preferred these for my boys as newborns. And also as they got bigger, these nappies just wouldn't say die and still look new.
THE CONS: being bamboo they still took a long time to dry in winter but it WAS possible to line dry them in around 12 hours. In summer they dried in about 1 hour and the rest of the year about 4-6 hours depending on temp and wind. Not as pretty as prints. Still relatively expensive as sizes had to be bought as baby grows.
Pea pods now do a one-size design- with prints! that are able to be pocket or AI2 for $20 a piece. I give these nappies an A- just because they are still expensive and there are cheaper ones that are just as good.
KNOCK OFF CUSHIE TUSHIES: $19 once all pieces purchased
these nappies came with fun prints- different from cushie tushies but still very gorgeous, were one size just like cushie tushies and performed just like cushie tushies.. They only differences? the price and the fact that none of them leak after 3.5 years of use. The manufacturer was Snappy Bums and have since ceased making them which is a pity. They were $10 a shell and $9 for the snap in booster. $19 vs $35.. it's the obvious winner. The pro's and cons are identical. Grade A- nappy as they are very well priced but still take forever to dry.
KNOCK OFF BUM GENIUS: $3.12 a piece
These nappies I bought off E bay 8 for $25 with 10 inserts + postage. THAT makes them by far the most economical of all of the nappies I own at just $3:12 not including the 10 inserts I wish I had found these sooner.
The microfiber dries the very quickest of all my inserts, didn't get any leaks, the inner was stay dry suede, they were one size with a front snap down rise and snap closures, came in bold colours and were easy to stuff, put on and they were also the least bulky. Seriously there were no cons that I could come up with for these nappies.
I gave these an Grade A+
TERRY SQUARES: $20-$30 for a dozen price range
THE PRO'S:once you get good at maybe 3 different folds (there are many more than 3 too)- flat nappies like terry cotton squares wash the cleanest, dry the fastest and are very versatile. because you fold them to fit you always have the perfect size and you can totally used them day or night if you double up the wet zone..
THE CONS: it all gets wet so you HAVE to touch the yucky bit also if you have a wriggly baby it can be difficult to get on without them knocking the folded nappy and it unfolds then and you have to re-do it, requires a pin or snappi to fasten and also a cover. which means more to remember to pack in your nappy bag.
GRADE C+ as they could be more user friendly.
PREFOLDS: $25 for 6 at target
THE PRO'S: Like Flats, prefolds must be folded and can come undone as your trying to put nappy on baby, though slightly less likely as the folds are simpler, but prefolds come sized and having a thicker middle strip don't wash quite as easily nor dry as quickly but are still a relatively cheap and effective option.
The prefolds I bought came with a bambino Mio Soft cover and just folded into thirds and lay in the cover OR they could be folded other ways such as bikini twist, angel fold or jelly roll and fastened onto baby with a snappi.
THE CONS: Pretty much identical to flat fold nappies. GRADE C+
FITTED NAPPIES: $5 a piece.
THE PRO'S:
these were good as newborn nappies. And with older babies as night time nappies. But were over kill as I usually just used my knock off bum genius nappies. I bought these on sale while pregnant with Edison.If your looking for user friendly with natural fibers these are your guys. And the fitteds I made "pocket style" were even better because it eliminated a long drying time (12 hours in winter)
THE CON'S: long drying unless they're pockets, requires a cover and as it's all absorbent it all gets wet- you have to touch the yucky bits. Also the Aplix (Velcro) wears out rather quickly
GRADE B+ these nappies definitely have their place and are an affordable user friendly option.
THE CONCLUSION:
DON'T buy nappies based on "pretties" or think that they will be any lesser if they are cheaper. Look on E bay and other such sites. Or alternatively support a WAHM by buying her nappies (I sewed my own and have now sewn for others)
CONSIDER the climate also- if its over cast most days AIO will be worse than useless but an awesome time/space saver if your climate is sunny.
BUY or TRIAL nappies to see if they fit your baby well.
and lastly don't be afraid of folding and covers if that's all you can afford- it's easy once you've learned a few folds to have nappies sitting in the covers folded and ready to go.
24 Cushie Tushies + 4 night boosters
8 Medium Pea Pods -with night boosters
8 Small Pea Pods - with night boosters
12 Terry Flats + 3 K-mart covers in each size from 000-1
6 Bambino Mio Prefolds + 1 large (9kg+) Mio Soft cover
8 "knock off" nappies from E bay that are like Bum Genius with microfiber inserts
4 "knock off" nappies from E bay that are like Cushie Tushies
7 Home sewn Pocket nappies+ micro fiber towel inserts from cheap as chips
1 home sewn "Flip cover"
10 Fluffies fitted cotton nappies (3-11kg)
4 Fluffies fitted terry cotton nappies (3-11kg)
2 Fluffies fitted terry cotton nappies (12-17kg)
1 wool cover
See what I mean by "ridiculous?" there was no way I was ever going to run out.
Okay so now what did I think of what??
CUSHIE TUSHIES:
these were the 3rd brand I bought, When Edison was about 3 weeks old. Couture were $35 a piece and came with a large snap in booster and a mini booster, Basix $27 a piece and just came with the single large snap in booster. Night boosters are sold separately.
THE PRO'S- beautiful prints, these were by far our prettiest nappies. They also are a truely one size nappy because the front folds down and the wings feature cross over snaps that make even teeny tiny newborns can wear them (though they are bulky the bulk is on top rather than between the legs so it isn't bad for their hips) and they won't leak out the legs. They are also customizable by adding or subtracting boosters and can usually last well overnight.
THE CONS- being an AIO design the shell had absorbency sewn into it. This made the Cushie Tushies take DAYS to dry in the winter unless they were put in the dryer it was nigh impossible to get them dry. Other than that the performance was great except for this last bit:
I have to say for performance its a C grade and here's why- My stash is all relatively the same age and at 3.5 years old and in rotation within such a large stash.. The PUL in the Cushie Tushies has cracked on 17 out of 24. that means only 7 of them aren't leaking.
They are the ONLY nappies in my stash that have delaminated and started to leak when Kicky was around 15 months old- and they're also the most expensive and were cared for the most carefully.
To be fair Cushie Tushies no longer sell these AIO nappies they have replaced the Couture and Basix range with a hybrid AI2 range of Chameleons, Tadpoles and Minis. I have no experience with these though I certainly hope they are more durable than the ones I had.
PEA PODS:
These nappies were $17 a piece pocket nappies with bamboo inserts that folded up and a small wet bag to hold the nappy once soiled. Night boosters were sold separately at $5 a piece.
THE PRO'S: As sized nappies these really did have a great non-bulky fit, they came in either neutral pastel colours or LOUD happy colours. But no prints at the time just solid colours. They never, ever leaked and were super thirsty with a stay dry feel. I preferred these for my boys as newborns. And also as they got bigger, these nappies just wouldn't say die and still look new.
THE CONS: being bamboo they still took a long time to dry in winter but it WAS possible to line dry them in around 12 hours. In summer they dried in about 1 hour and the rest of the year about 4-6 hours depending on temp and wind. Not as pretty as prints. Still relatively expensive as sizes had to be bought as baby grows.
Pea pods now do a one-size design- with prints! that are able to be pocket or AI2 for $20 a piece. I give these nappies an A- just because they are still expensive and there are cheaper ones that are just as good.
KNOCK OFF CUSHIE TUSHIES: $19 once all pieces purchased
these nappies came with fun prints- different from cushie tushies but still very gorgeous, were one size just like cushie tushies and performed just like cushie tushies.. They only differences? the price and the fact that none of them leak after 3.5 years of use. The manufacturer was Snappy Bums and have since ceased making them which is a pity. They were $10 a shell and $9 for the snap in booster. $19 vs $35.. it's the obvious winner. The pro's and cons are identical. Grade A- nappy as they are very well priced but still take forever to dry.
KNOCK OFF BUM GENIUS: $3.12 a piece
These nappies I bought off E bay 8 for $25 with 10 inserts + postage. THAT makes them by far the most economical of all of the nappies I own at just $3:12 not including the 10 inserts I wish I had found these sooner.
The microfiber dries the very quickest of all my inserts, didn't get any leaks, the inner was stay dry suede, they were one size with a front snap down rise and snap closures, came in bold colours and were easy to stuff, put on and they were also the least bulky. Seriously there were no cons that I could come up with for these nappies.
I gave these an Grade A+
TERRY SQUARES: $20-$30 for a dozen price range
THE PRO'S:once you get good at maybe 3 different folds (there are many more than 3 too)- flat nappies like terry cotton squares wash the cleanest, dry the fastest and are very versatile. because you fold them to fit you always have the perfect size and you can totally used them day or night if you double up the wet zone..
THE CONS: it all gets wet so you HAVE to touch the yucky bit also if you have a wriggly baby it can be difficult to get on without them knocking the folded nappy and it unfolds then and you have to re-do it, requires a pin or snappi to fasten and also a cover. which means more to remember to pack in your nappy bag.
GRADE C+ as they could be more user friendly.
PREFOLDS: $25 for 6 at target
THE PRO'S: Like Flats, prefolds must be folded and can come undone as your trying to put nappy on baby, though slightly less likely as the folds are simpler, but prefolds come sized and having a thicker middle strip don't wash quite as easily nor dry as quickly but are still a relatively cheap and effective option.
The prefolds I bought came with a bambino Mio Soft cover and just folded into thirds and lay in the cover OR they could be folded other ways such as bikini twist, angel fold or jelly roll and fastened onto baby with a snappi.
THE CONS: Pretty much identical to flat fold nappies. GRADE C+
FITTED NAPPIES: $5 a piece.
THE PRO'S:
these were good as newborn nappies. And with older babies as night time nappies. But were over kill as I usually just used my knock off bum genius nappies. I bought these on sale while pregnant with Edison.If your looking for user friendly with natural fibers these are your guys. And the fitteds I made "pocket style" were even better because it eliminated a long drying time (12 hours in winter)
THE CON'S: long drying unless they're pockets, requires a cover and as it's all absorbent it all gets wet- you have to touch the yucky bits. Also the Aplix (Velcro) wears out rather quickly
GRADE B+ these nappies definitely have their place and are an affordable user friendly option.
THE CONCLUSION:
DON'T buy nappies based on "pretties" or think that they will be any lesser if they are cheaper. Look on E bay and other such sites. Or alternatively support a WAHM by buying her nappies (I sewed my own and have now sewn for others)
CONSIDER the climate also- if its over cast most days AIO will be worse than useless but an awesome time/space saver if your climate is sunny.
BUY or TRIAL nappies to see if they fit your baby well.
and lastly don't be afraid of folding and covers if that's all you can afford- it's easy once you've learned a few folds to have nappies sitting in the covers folded and ready to go.
Sunday, 19 January 2014
When children act out.
Edison has been toileting himself since he was about 17 months old. But after a morning of tense conversation with MC for which Edison wasn't present, my day went from bad to worse as he promptly went and peed in our bedroom on the floor.
I immediately knew he was acting out something, but it didn't stop me from feeling incredibly angry. I wanted to scream at him. I did get a bit loud but not t the point where I would call it yelling. Rather an agonized pain kind of groan as I fought back the urge to pick him up and put him over my knee.
I told him "I am very very angry with you right now, we don't pee on floors- we use the toilet." Then I gave him a flat fold nappy from my old stash and made him clean up the pee. He spent quite a while cleaning it up.
When he was done he came to me and said "Mum, I got all the wee out." and all I could do was squeak "good, put the nappy in the laundry" feeling completely like I would spontaneously combust as I spoke.
No sooner did Edison put the nappy in the laundry and came out than he started a fight with Kicky who had gone to see what he was doing and when I more calmly than I felt reminded him to use his gentle hands with his brother he lay down and started to cry, I tried to ask him what was wrong- why was he doing this? then he got up and walked off.
No sooner had he disappeared from my sight I heard a shaking sound. He had taken the salt shaker and was shaking salt all over the lounge room! (this was not an ordinary table shaker, it was a 1kg cooking salt shaker it takes a whole 1kilo bag of salt and it was full!) I was no longer angry, I was baffled. The more I powered up on him the more he was acting out.
Kicky came to me for a time-in and brought a calm down toy with him. I knew Edison had done something to him in there because he was an angry little toddler and he needed a moment to calm down! He held the cement truck tightly and stared at it for a long moment before snuggling in and having a few tears. Then he seemed to feel better and got down and went to play again.
I went to check on how Edison's salt sweep up was progressing. He'd mostly done a pretty good job and had only missed one little spot. I brought him onto my lap for a time in. "why did you do those things Eddie?" I asked not expecting to get a real answer. He told me "Edison is being bad" I was surprised but pleased that he'd told me this so I continued our time-in by asking "why is Ed being bad? do you feel angry?" he looked thoughtful for a moment and said "no, not angry. just bad."
It had dawned on me probably from the floor peeing on that maybe he had heard the conversation from his room but not fully understood it nor come out during the conversation for fear of what he might see or hear.
I took him to our bed and lay down with him for a few minutes, I scratched his back. cuddled him tight and told him "Mummy and Daddy love each other very much, and we love you. There's nothing for you to worry about."
With that said we headed back out to our living areas and joined Kicky who had now found the salt himself. And was licking the top of the shaker. I let it slide and just asked for him to pass it to me which he did and I gave it a clean with a damp cloth then put the shaker away.
Our day has barely begun, I don't know how this day is going to end. Only that it will and that after this morning really.. the only way is up. And yes- "I've got this covered"
I immediately knew he was acting out something, but it didn't stop me from feeling incredibly angry. I wanted to scream at him. I did get a bit loud but not t the point where I would call it yelling. Rather an agonized pain kind of groan as I fought back the urge to pick him up and put him over my knee.
I told him "I am very very angry with you right now, we don't pee on floors- we use the toilet." Then I gave him a flat fold nappy from my old stash and made him clean up the pee. He spent quite a while cleaning it up.
When he was done he came to me and said "Mum, I got all the wee out." and all I could do was squeak "good, put the nappy in the laundry" feeling completely like I would spontaneously combust as I spoke.
No sooner did Edison put the nappy in the laundry and came out than he started a fight with Kicky who had gone to see what he was doing and when I more calmly than I felt reminded him to use his gentle hands with his brother he lay down and started to cry, I tried to ask him what was wrong- why was he doing this? then he got up and walked off.
No sooner had he disappeared from my sight I heard a shaking sound. He had taken the salt shaker and was shaking salt all over the lounge room! (this was not an ordinary table shaker, it was a 1kg cooking salt shaker it takes a whole 1kilo bag of salt and it was full!) I was no longer angry, I was baffled. The more I powered up on him the more he was acting out.
Kicky came to me for a time-in and brought a calm down toy with him. I knew Edison had done something to him in there because he was an angry little toddler and he needed a moment to calm down! He held the cement truck tightly and stared at it for a long moment before snuggling in and having a few tears. Then he seemed to feel better and got down and went to play again.
I went to check on how Edison's salt sweep up was progressing. He'd mostly done a pretty good job and had only missed one little spot. I brought him onto my lap for a time in. "why did you do those things Eddie?" I asked not expecting to get a real answer. He told me "Edison is being bad" I was surprised but pleased that he'd told me this so I continued our time-in by asking "why is Ed being bad? do you feel angry?" he looked thoughtful for a moment and said "no, not angry. just bad."
It had dawned on me probably from the floor peeing on that maybe he had heard the conversation from his room but not fully understood it nor come out during the conversation for fear of what he might see or hear.
I took him to our bed and lay down with him for a few minutes, I scratched his back. cuddled him tight and told him "Mummy and Daddy love each other very much, and we love you. There's nothing for you to worry about."
With that said we headed back out to our living areas and joined Kicky who had now found the salt himself. And was licking the top of the shaker. I let it slide and just asked for him to pass it to me which he did and I gave it a clean with a damp cloth then put the shaker away.
Our day has barely begun, I don't know how this day is going to end. Only that it will and that after this morning really.. the only way is up. And yes- "I've got this covered"
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